Tick tock hear the clock countdown, Wish the minute hand could be rewound So much to do and so much I need to say Will tomorrow be too late? I hate to say that yes, I was one day too late. How do you live with this kind of regret? Maybe you don't. Maybe you just hope God helps you to find solace within yourself, that even grief as great as this can be overcome with His grace. It's been a month and a half since my mom passed. There are so many things I wished I had told her that I didn't. Things I wanted to but always put off saying because I was embarrassed. A few months ago, on Mother's Day, I had planned to make her breakfast. To actually put some heart to celebrating this special day dedicated to her. I ended up sleeping in because I was too lazy. Now I'll never get to celebrate it with her ever again. I suppose for all the flaws our parents have, for their imperfect ways of showing love, we will still never be able to thank them enough for raising us up and putting up with all of our bullshit. We can never be thankful enough that our parents are people who love us unconditionally and at all times, even when we hurt them. I'm thankful that my parents aren't abusive. The last time I saw her in the hospital, I was more concerned with going out with my friends after the visit. There was a... Gut feeling? Small little voice? Telling me to tell my mom how much I loved her. To thank her for raising me and taking care of me all these years. I didn't. It felt awkward and embarrassing to say it in front of my family. Now I'll never get the chance to say it to her again. I'll never get to hear her nag at me about watching my weight, tease me about my female friends or bug me to go out and have a meal together. Now I'm regretting all the chances I had but rejected. Now I wish I hadn't been so selfish. Now I wish I had just one more day with her. Maybe she can hear me from heaven, all those quiet little things I ask God to relay to her for me now that she's there in His presence. Maybe she left this world in peace and comfort knowing she left something in this world that will last longer than her lifetime. Or maybe being the great mother she was, she left still worrying about her children and how they'd face life without her to guide them. Only You know, Abba Father, and only You can help us find peace in this grief and sorrow. I'm glad that she's no longer suffering in pain on this earth, and that she has finally found peace and everlasting joy in Your presence. I can only hope that I'll be able to see her in heaven some day and she will be smiling at me, telling me that I've lived my life the way she hoped I would, or in a way that she'd be proud of... that You'd be proud of. It was only at her wake that I realised how great of a person my mother was. Every one of our relatives and her friends had only fond memories of all the things she's done for them throughout the years they've known her. I hope to leave behind memories like that when I pass. Even in her death she had valuable lessons to teach me. I was too childish and stubborn before to see her wisdom and concern, but now that it's gone, I can truly see how precious her love was. Dear God, Pass on my thanks to her on my behalf, will You? You know she deserves her well-earned rest after toiling so hard and so long. Thank You, most of all, for releasing her from this pain. And Mom, We'll take care of ourselves here on earth. I hope you've finally found the reward you've been searching for all your life for all the sacrifices you've made and the things you've done for those around you. I hope you enjoy eternity in heaven in His presence. Most of all, I long for the day when you can take me by the hand and show me around His kingdom and we can bask in His glory together.