Udders! Just went to eat with my family! hahaha. Bailey's and bourbon is an awesome flavour. My dad offered me his, then I was wondering why it was so strong when I ate it, then he told me he ordered a double shot ==. I used the voucher we got from Captain's Ball today, so a free scoop of B&B for me =D
Captain's Ball was fun, although SFC only won one game and got 6 points out of all the matches we played. I cut my lip ):
--Xiang An at 8:59 PM
It's amazing how I feel no sadness even when faced with things that should, technically, make me go emo.
Can such a big change really occur in such a short time? I've said I would abandon all else to God's will. If He wants me to wait, I will. I'm just afraid of how objective I am over this. I can somehow just accept His decision even while I think I should be upset over it, but I'm not. No heartache, no tears, nothing. The things I hear from her should make me cry but they don't. Should make me jealous but they don't.
Or was it just me making stuff up in my head all along?
Maybe it's just a state of mind. Maybe I really have accepted God's sovereignty in my life. Maybe.
Or is this just about accepting that God will give the things you want and need to you at the right time when you are ready and mature enough to handle them? This is about recognising that God's plan in our lives will be execute in His own time, not ours?
That's right, I don't have to be with her if God doesn't want it. He just made it easier for me to bear since I don't really feel that upset over it. Maybe by some miracle we end up together, when God has prepared both of us, maybe He has an entirely different course of events in mind. Whatever it is, it's up to Him. Forget my own desires. They can get really childish and I should start realising my own viewpoint is often based on self-interest rather than Godliness. So, it's time to recognise He is the all knowing One, and I should just trust Him.
After all, a bomb was dropped in front of me today and none of the shrapnel hurt me, with Him there protecting me. Why should I fear things of the world?
Father in heaven, do what you want. Your grace is sufficient for me, I shall not want.
--Xiang An at 1:30 AM
Friday, May 29, 2009
GP Paper!
It was okay, not too difficult, though I'm not sure if I can get an A.
Watched the epic battles of Samurai X with Shane and Samuel, after lunch at Mac's. We got chased from LT1, the classrooms, and ended up just watching it at the benches. Although the mood of the battles was somewhat ruined by idiots making redundant comments at the sidelines.
Shishio was consumed from the inside out xD
And the new chapter of Bleach is out! Hitsugaya's full power! Muahahaha. Note to those who don't know, other shinigami captains are fighting there too.
Epic ability, no? Not to mention the beauty of it, flowers of ice encapsulating the enemy. Although I am wondering how come the captains all seem to have strangely picked an easy opponent (possibly except for Soi Fong) when they themselves said they have no idea what an arrancar's fighting ability was, or the abilities of the espada prior to fighting them. It seems really strange that they all have unfair advantages.
Not to mention Hitsugaya sudden pulls out his most powerful move, when Halibel has yet to fight seriously.
--Xiang An at 8:58 PM
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Today's session marks the end of DE!
I just want to thank Vincent, Shane, Chesed, Jem and Benedict for praying for me at the altar today. The prayers really touched me and the feeling in my heart was so strong I thought I'd have a heart attack at any moment. My legs were shaking (although that might have been more due to the cold) and I was just so moved by your prayers. No tears came although I wished they would if it would ease the feeling in my heart a little. I'm really starting to believe my ability to cry has been lost.
Truly, I am not alone ever. You guys, everyone in SFC has really impacted my life and changed me. At the times when my walk with God seems to crawl to a slow, where there are so many obstacles, you guys are there for me to pick me up and encourage me. Thanks guys, even if the time together has been short it really has meant a lot to me. The laughs we shared every morning before morning worship starts and every Wednesday during dinner and SFC, all the discussions about God in our lives and encouraging one another, it's really left a deep impression on my heart.
Thank you especially to those who have reminded me that my past is in the past, and I should stop feeling regrets over it. God must reign sovereign in my life and in Him we each have a clean slate, in Him all is forgiven. I am no longer my former sinful self. I'm still very much an imperfect person, I still sin at times whether it's in big or small ways, but now it makes me even more determined to draw closer to God instead of feeling guilty. Indeed, our God is an awesome God! He continues to work in me and each of us, like a blade being tempered in the fire, to sharpen our tips, to correct the flaws in us through fire. None of this will be easy but I'm glad I have people I can lean on when I need to! Thanks for being there for me guys, I really appreciate it.
Each and every one of you are God's gifts to me, a blessing to my life in many ways. I pray that you all will remain so and continue to make an impact in other people's lives, even during the June camp and beyond. Let us truly believe that God is doing a great work in SAJC through us and let us glorify and honour our Father in heaven always!
Love you all.
Everyone's stressed With their work and their exams They're upset They don't know why We all seem so relaxed They just don't get His peacefulness Like we do.
We're in the mentors' room It's a typical wednesday noon We're listening to the kind of music They don't like They'll never know Your story Like we do
Their girls wears short skirts Ours wear t-shirts We share lame jokes, At our dinners Dreaming about the day When we wake up and find That what we're looking for Has been here the whole time
If you could see That i'm the one Who understands you Been here all along So why can't you see You belong with me Here in SFC
Sitting in LT3 With you and we're worshiping Jesus we're praising This is how it ought to be Laughing in my seat, Thinking to myself Hey, isn't this easy?
And you've got a smile That could light up this whole town I haven't seen it in awhile The world's trying to bring us down We're still fine God knows us better than that Hey whatchu doing With people like that
Their girls wears short skirts Ours wear t-shirts We share lame jokes, At our dinners Dreaming about the day When you wake up and find That what you're looking for Has been here the whole time
If you could see That God's the one Who understands you Been here all along So why can't you See you belong with Him Standing by and Waiting at your backdoor All this time How could you not know Baby You belong with me In SFC!
[Instrumental]
Oh, He remembers You crying yourself to sleep In the middle of the night He's the one who makes you laugh When you know you're about to cry And He know your favorite songs And He knows all about your dreams Think I know where you belong Think I know it's SFC
Can't you see That He's the one Who understands Been here all along So why can't you see? You belong with Him Have you ever thought Just maybe You belong with me? In SFC...
A really weird parody of You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift since I'm in a random mood xD
Mr Adi just killed whatever serious mood I had by mentioning my eyecandy and teasing me about her. Letting him guess was a totally bad idea can. >(
--Xiang An at 10:19 PM
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
This video is such an ironic and funny analogy to my own situation. Give or take a few differences in the situation. (The girl isn't attached in my case. haha.)
--Xiang An at 10:04 PM
Okay, stayed home yesterday because I had a terrible headache. I need to get more sleep. Sigh. The tragedies of a Singaporean student. Thank God for caffeine.
Bloody Tuesday! Went back to SJI, but apparently I forgot had to print out the consent form since I'm still under 18. Apparently the link was posted on facebook but I didn't see it thanks to all the spam on my home page. Which brings up the interesting point, why are people spamming quizzes like there's no tomorrow? It's getting kind of annoying especially with the stupid quizzes going around. Amusing, but annoying.
Kept bumping into my eyecandy today. Since I know certain people read my blog, divulging who she is would be fatal. To me. Canteen, library, maths lecture. Actually, she sits in front of my class during maths lecture. So that doesn't really count. But today was the first time nobody was in front of me and I had a clear view! Thank God! Haha. (You do know I'm joking, right?)
But I guess seriously, the whole thing about eyecandy is just another laugh for me. It's not like I'd ever end up with her, and she doesn't even know me. The guys were all having a laugh. Ego and salacious comments came out, especially from me. I hope everyone knows I was joking? Haha. Alright, maybe I'm not.
Alright I am xD
As you can tell, I'm in a totally random mood. This is what happens when I'm sleepy and blogging. Random stuff coming out of my mind.
SFC tomorrow! Looking forward to what's coming up for the June camp. =D I still have no idea what I'm involved in! Like seriously.
On a more serious note, I am absolutely horrible at making my intentions clear. A simple comment from me along the lines of "I don't think I did such a great job" can be interpreted as me snapping at people for a compliment. I guess the time I've had in SA with my classmates hasn't been that long that they know the way I speak. I miss the days in 433 where what I said was crystal clear. The lame comments. The male bonding, through teasing and poking fun at one another. I know some people don't appreciate sarcasm, but there was just this clear line we knew was the limit. It's hard for me to define where the new line should be drawn since there are girls in the environment now.
I apologise if I've offended anyone with my comments. I don't know, I just have an innate intolerance for stupid comments. I guess I can't stand the lack of common sense in some people. Or maybe it's true sarcasm is a natural defense mechanism against stupidity. Hm. I don't know. Honestly, I think some people deserve to get sarcastic answers. Although that's not my place to judge. I try to shut myself up, but sometimes I just can't help myself. I don't know, maybe tolerance and discernment is something I need more of.
I understand that when I'm just in a bad mood I tend to be a sarcastic ass to just about everyone, but that's something I'm working on. It's kind of hard to change when people expect it overnight. Isn't change supposed to be gradual? Especially when it comes to correcting flaws or kicking habits. It's a consistent discipline, not a one time thing.
Yet I know some of the people around me that expect change instantaneously. It's kind of ironic that people aren't perfect yet we demand perfection. Is this a natural way of thinking or has our society changed so much this has influenced our attitudes towards others? It just seems kind of sad that everyone demands so much yet we all expect reasonable expectations from others of us.
Just an interesting thought I just had.
Facebook notes are fun to do but I'm lazy to type it all out.
/random.
--Xiang An at 7:23 PM
Sunday, May 24, 2009
I was just reading blogs, namely Shane's, Celine's and the SFC J1 blog where we post our own problems and prayer requests for one another. What Pearl posted on the J1 blog seems to be true: the enemy has been attacking all of us.
Shane? It's apparent enough. Well dude, you're not alone, there are probably thousands of guys on the planet who share what you're going through. I know I did. I felt that same pain when I broke up with Angie. The thing is, God did heal my heart. I can't say there is no pain now, but at least I've moved on. The pain is now more bearable and I guess if I saw her walking down the street today, I'd smile as I pass by her. I don't know if this sounds stupid, but hey, we all have to move on.
Besides, the people we meet in our lives are supposed to leave a deep impression. Sometimes it hurts, but the change we go through is there. When we are experience all this pain and trials God is doing His work in us, He is tempering our spirits while we are on this world.
To all my friends out there who are facing trials and tough times, hang in there, brothers and sisters. God will see us all through. He is there for us and like what I tagged on Shane's blog - it's analogous to Will Turner's ending in Pirates of the Carribean. He ended up as Captain of the Flying Dutchman, he had to spend 10 years in service ferrying the spirits of those who die at sea before he could spend a day on shore with Elizabeth.
It's the same for all of us, aren't we all ultimately doing that 10 years of service, looking forward to that 1 day? It may not have to be spent with a lover or the person of our dreams, but think of it, who can say they've worked little for much reward? Aren't the most painful journeys in our lives the ones that lead us to the sweetest places?
I'd just like to refer everyone to 1 Peter 1:3-9
3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, 5who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 6In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
I think the passage speaks for itself, the going is tough now but in the end we will all be filled with that "inexpressible and glorious joy". Do not let words and self-doubt sway our faith, guys, but let them strengthen our passion for God even more. I myself have to keep up the effort, but what cannot be achieved when we unite together in our walk with God? A cord of three isn't easily broken!
--Xiang An at 6:05 PM
Today during cell we brought forward our opinions and vision for our cell. We all agreed that we do not just want our cell to gather every Sunday just for the sake of it, and then ignore each other completely after that. Since all of us (except Abel) are in JC, I guess at times it's kind of hard for us to care about others when we return home tired and exhausted, and all we want is time alone to recharge.
Which, of course, brings to light another interesting point: how many of us actually take the time out of our hectic lives to care about others. I don't just mean a casual conversation, I mean actually asking if the other person has any problems or any issues they're struggling with, and to take the time to pray for each and every one of them. How often do we take the time to really listen and give advice to our friends in need? How often do we treat them as our own family?
I guess no one can answer "All the time" to the question.
And today's service brought up another good point too. Why are we so concerned with our identity in the world, of what others think about us? Like the song from Mu Lan - when will our reflections show who we are inside? Never. When everyone seems to care about the superficial, I guess it rubs off on us, and we try our best to be accepted that way. Maybe that's why we sometimes feel we're just not good enough. Who cares? Like David wrote in Psalms 139, each of us were fearfully and wonderfully made in God, each of us are beautiful in Him and in our own way.
Which is why at times I feel stupid for feeling the way I do, when I'm so upset over the attitudes of my class and what they think of me. I don't really need to care, God has His plans for me, and He accepts for all my faults and weaknesses. It's all good if my friends point out my faults and I do my best to change, but I don't have to care if they go around gossiping that I have voyeur tendencies or whatever. God knows every part of me because He spent time alone with me, before I was even born. He took His time to create me, with a plan and purpose in mind, He was with me "in that secret place" before I was born. No one can say I'm a mistake or accident because I'm not - I was created because God intended so. Why should I be worried about what anyone else says? I live to serve Him and glorify Him, not men. (Don't interpret this wrongly, I do serve the people around me, but I do so as an act of worship to God, not to men.)
Why do I have to feel insecure? I know God has plans for me, and perhaps I won't even know the full details of it until the day my physical body dies and I stand before Him, but that's good enough for me, even if at times things don't seem that way.
When the world says I'm weak, I delight because then I carry Your strength. When the world says I'm flawed, I delight because in Your eyes I am perfect.
You thought of me even before I was born, Knew the path I would tread before I even walked. You felt my heartache and pain even before they came to me, You forgave my sins even before I committed them.
What can I do, but bow in awe of You? What can I say, but to praise Your name? What can I think, but to delight in Your majesty? What can I be, but a faithful servant for You?
Lord, how can I ever thank You enough for merely thinking of me and blessing me with Your infinite mercies and grace, for Your unconditional love? Everything I've ever done is nothing when laid at Your feet. Everything I say cannot even begin to describe Your glory. Like what David said, I refuse to give unto You anything that costs me nothing, how can I even begin to return unto You all that You have given me? An infinite lifetimes would not be enough for me to reciprocate your undying love and faithfulness.
This is for You, For all You've done for me, I wanted to show You How much you mean, My God.
So let hope rise,
And darkness tremble
In Your Holy light,
So every eye will see,
Jesus our God,
Great and mighty to be praised.
Two colours since it's from different songs... The past week seems as if all of us have been under constant attack by the enemy, but we all know with God's strength and grace we'll come out stronger than ever! No form of weapon used by the enemy against us shall prosper while we stand strong upon our faith, so to all my friends having a tough week, just know that I'm here for you even while I'm facing rough times as well, and more importantly, that our Father in heaven is watching over us and there for us every moment of every hour of every day of every week of every month of every year of every decade! (Stopping here since it's quite unlikely we're going to live 100 years... hahaha.)
--Xiang An at 2:31 PM
Saturday, May 23, 2009
I just read Shane's blog, and it really touched something inside me. I guess it's because I share this experience in common with him? I can't say what we've experienced is exactly the same, but I do know what it's like to feel the hurt of a broken heart. I've always thought I left the past where it is, until I read his post and new thoughts occurred to me.
On hindsight, there was something inside me that was telling me the relationship was going to fail on 23 August 2008, the night I sent that message confessing my feelings. There was that hint of doubt in my mind. There was a voice telling me, "You don't even know her that well!" When her reply was a "yes", I was just even more doubtful. Even while we were in together, when I asked her what was the reason that lead her to accept me, she said she didn't know.
With all these warnings, I should have known where we were going. I should have known the fantasy would fall apart. Yet I ignored it. Even now, I regret it. Although the experience has made me even more mature, the effects are still ringing in my head. Whenever I see couples walking down the road, whenever I see the lucky guys in my school, it's always struck me deep inside. "Why do girls all flock to them?" I ask myself.
Every girl I've ever laid my eyes on, every girl I've ever felt some small hint of attraction to, every girl who's basically known me are basically A) Indifferent B) Hate me C) Couldn't give a shit about me D) Don't even know I exist E) Think there is no possible positive quality I possess.
And I ask myself, "Why?"
I can answer that question too. All I had to do was take a good long look in the mirror. Come on, who was I kidding? I wasn't some guy who had super good looks, I was far from it. I wasn't any good at sports. I wasn't very good at studies either. I'm smart, but the one thing working against me is my own laziness. I guess it shows. What was the thing that really sealed the question? Simple. I never really bothered to show who I really was. I'm a cheerful person, I try my best to be helpful and kind to everyone. Yet today's world cannot tolerate any form of weakness. Every male in society has to be infallible. Each of us must become better than Superman himself - we cannot have our own Kryptonites.
But I do. I'm tired of feeling like I'm the scum of the earth. I'm tired of wearing this mask and letting everyone think I'm some joker who has nothing good to say but senseless humour. I'm tired of looking around at everyone is just so blessed and not being able to see the blessing in my own life. Who am I kidding by trying to be helpful and kind? I'm only human. I fall and sometimes I fall so hard I need someone to pick me up. But the world cannot have that. There is no place for those who cannot run the race without falling. There is no place for those who are unable to pick themselves up. There is no place for imperfect guys like me.
Maybe that's why every girl who knows me now think I'm just a joker, think that other than making fun of the world, I have nothing else to contribute. Maybe that's true. I don't know. My life is like a maze and I have no idea how to find my way out. Maybe that's why we broke up, and she doesn't want to acknowledge my existence any longer - because of the time we had together, I proved that I was still trapped in the darkness when everyone was standing in the light, I was weak and imperfect and not good enough.
I always try to say positive things to my friends when they're down. "Come on man, God is there for you. Things will get better." Yet I'm a salesman who doesn't believe in the product he's promoting. I really want to believe that God has some plan for me, that at the finish line I will truly feel the joy He intends for me. Yet I feel like giving up the race because the finishing line seems so far away and I feel like I can't carry on running any more. How do I believe in that when the world is telling me I'm not good enough, I will never get there and truly feel that joy of fulfilment?
--Xiang An at 5:16 PM
Friday, May 22, 2009
Patience is something I've always thought I had. Yet the past week has been really testing it to the limit.
Sometimes it really seems as if putting in your best is just not good enough for everyone else. I voice out the potential problems I see when discussing PW, but I get labelled as wanting to take the easy way out, that I'm just insisting on my own opinion, I'm bringing the team off course. I guess communicating my ideas was never one of my strong points. Yet the situation seems to be really polarised now. It seems as if our group has become two armed camps. It seems as if you guys don't want to discuss the project with me because I'm a burden.
I guess it's not only PW, maybe everyone in class feels this way, that I'm just some loser trying too hard to be something he's not. I'm just a penguin wishing I could fly. I don't know, honestly. It's becoming hard trying to accept people for who they are when it seems that they can't accept me no matter how much I try to correct my mistakes and flaws. It seems as if I'm the only one willing to give others a chance. It seems as if I'm public enemy number one when all I'm trying to do is connect with the people around me.
Someone tell me what to do, because I don't know what to do any more. I'm so tired of trying, I'm tired of trying to swing my weapon at the enemy when the battle seems endless. Tired of feeling like I'm not good enough, like my efforts are going to waste. I'm running out of energy, running out of willpower. I've tried watching what I say, tried apologising, tried speaking to everyone one at a time since Dannel and I tend to be overly vocal about our ideas. I've tried, guys, I've tried. Do you all think it isn't enough? Do you think I'm a burden? Just let me know, because I can't go on like this. I can't fight any more. I'm tired and my strength is nearly gone. There are too many enemies coming my way and I can only take on so much.
Does the rest of our time together have to be like this? Two camps discussing on their own, maintaining a mask of civility when we have to? Do we have to turn our time in together as a class into a political war? One side playing the other? Can't we just accept each other's faults and weaknesses and aspire to push each other onwards, to strengthen each other and keep each other's flaws in check? Do we really have to go to that extreme of being unable to be friends?
I can't read your thoughts, and with the reactions I'm getting, with the signals I'm getting, I feel as if you guys just don't want to work with me. I feel as if I'm not good enough, that what I'm doing isn't enough. I'm trying my best to change myself, trying to maintain it and not do more damage than I already have. Or have I already done too much? Has the situation come to a point where it's beyond redemption?
Tell me because I'm tired of trying. Tired of feeling like I'm failing to make an impact. Tired of thinking that putting all my efforts in honouring God to change my ways and be a blessing to others, all that has come to waste when I'm with 09S08, when I'm with you guys in PW. If what I'm doing isn't enough, just tell me.
God, your servant here is tired and weak, and I'm losing focus and my will to keep this up. I'm going to implode if I go on like this. Just help me. Someone, anyone. I don't care if you're in school or heaven or whatever. Just let me know what to do cause I'm lost and I can't find my way out of this on my own. I can't keep up trying to take comfort in the trials with that peaceful heart, I can no longer ignore the need to voice my concerns.
It's just so hard to do this when no one is speaking up, it's hard to know what the people around you are thinking when it seems like they're shut off or afraid to express their thoughts. I'm here, I'm listening, let me know. I'm not that unapproachable, I'm not some stubborn idiot. Just tell me how you guys think and feel, seriously, before things get any worse. I'm listening and I'm not the kind to gossip or judge you about it, so why be so closed off?
--Xiang An at 9:02 PM
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Evelyn's last day with us as a mentor ): We had a farewell dinner with her in the music cafe, and we got all Pizza Hut and KFC! Although I did pay for some people first, so I'm really feeling like a loan shark now (having to remember and chase people for money).
Maybe I shouldn't if I didn't have a chance.
For the first time in my three months in SA, I took the MRT all the way to CCK with Pearl and Evelyn. Talked about what makes a good teacher and some casual topics. I didn't really know Evelyn that well, but listening to her perspective on things has really brought new stuff to light in my life. Small things, almost insignificant, but with the short amount of time I've known her, I've only seen how great of a mentor she is.
Just when things seem to have gotten better, things get slapped in my face. I'm tired of being misunderstood. Pointing out potential problems I see with doing something on too large of a scale immediately means I'm a slacker. What the hell. I notice it's one guy calling the shots and making the decisions when the rest of the group feels the same way I do. I'm the only one saying it to his face, so I'm the one who wants to slack because of something I feel is impractical.
Don't get me wrong, ambition is good, but there has to be a balance between ambition and realism. Just because I have strong faith in God doesn't mean I should go jump off a building and pray that I will land without a scratch! I'd like to dream big, but I have to admit my own shortcomings and inability as well. It's like trying to catch all the fish in the ocean with one net. I don't think it can be done. I'd love to be able to do it, but I'm not ready for it, to be honest. Not ready to take that risk that affects the rest of my life.
--Xiang An at 10:33 PM
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Being the Maths Rep is frustrating. It's like a period of peace then BOOM, 101 things to do. Shub didn't come to school today, so Mr Adi asked me to pick up the Subject Survey from the General Office. Guess what? It was with Min Zhen since they gave it out during assembly. So I basically ran from track to GO, where they told me to go look for Mrs Quek at the gallery, so I ran up to second floor BACK to the track only to find she wasn't there. I thought "Screw this, I'm going for lecture in the nice air-conned CC" and guess what was beside my seat? The stupid survey.
The last 10 minutes of maths lecture, "Maths Rep collect the Maths Survey from the front."
Me: "Oh great. Not again."
*When almost everyone is gone from CC, I'm still collecting the forms.*
Me: (in my head) "God, I know I like to laugh at the irony of life, and that I want to get the chance to train my 2.4, but this is ridiculous."
I guess it's true sometimes that God is a comedian playing to an unappreciative audience. I'm seriously feeling the irony and humour of the situation, but I was PISSED about it all at the time. (I didn't shout or anything, but thank God for His peace in my heart)
I know what you're thinking: "But Xiang An, it's just a simple survey, the class rep wasn't there, why don't you help?"
My reply: "This is what we have an ASSISTANT class rep for! She's not doing her job!"
Mature side of me: "Mr Adi entrusted it to you."
Annoyed me: "BUT WHAT ABOUT THAT GIRL WHO WEARS THE COUNCILLOR BADGE AND IS THE CLASS REP TOO?!"
I'm not really that pissed off about it (the above lines are VERY exaggerated), but it did annoy me and I guess I was kind of sarcastic to Min Zhen after Econs, I apologise for that. I'm sorry, Min Zhen, if you're reading this. And to the class too. I know I'm not the easiest guy to be around sometimes, I realise that what I say when I get annoyed or don't control myself gets on everyone's nerves, but I appreciate it when you guys don't hold that against me. (Or at least, the guys anyway. I get the feeling the girls are extremely disapproving of me now.)
Oh well, nobody's perfect. Guess I'll just have to work harder on watching what I say. Once again, really sorry to everyone if what I said pissed you guys off! I get that way sometimes and I know I offend you guys, but thanks for being patient with me =)
Well, at least for all the annoying stuff in the morning, there were definitely more funny things that happened throughout the day to cheer me up. First of all, Pearl told me to just go ask my eyecandy out. This comment, of course, got me playing over the scene in my head for the rest of the day. Each time ending in an epic fail rejection. There's a voice in my head going all day: "Come on, Xiang An. Take a look in the mirror. And she doesn't even know you. There's no chance."
Of course, then the scenes playing in my head end with my "playing violin on my wrist" as Mr Adi would say. [For those who don't get the euphemism, it means /wrist. (SLASH WRIST, if you seriously don't get that too.)]
*Looks at last line I typed* Maths is seriously taking over my life. Somebody save me. At least we're doing an easy topic, Functions, now. Some of my classmates think it's hard, but since I get what the notes are saying on the first read, I'm actually kind of ahead of the lecturer now. Hah. Understanding concept > blind copying. Trust me.
--Xiang An at 9:42 PM
Sunday, May 17, 2009
I lead gel during cell today, and it was kind of fun, although it went differently from how I imagined.
We talked about worship today, and like what Kelvin mentioned before, it's about a life style, about being conscious of God 24/7. No matter what happens, we always act in a manner that glorifies God, that exemplifies His love.
I kind honestly admit I'm not able to do that, I still have a lot of growing up to do, many areas that I could improve on. I may be a patient person when it comes to not letting stress getting in my way, but when I do get frustrated, I can be an ass to people who add on to it.
But isn't our individual flaws what makes God so great? It makes Him even more awesome because He enters our lives and we aren't the same, we change for the better, our spiritual hunger and thirst are satisfied. There isn't anything God can't provide for us, and His plans and purpose for each of us ultimately brings us to places we never imagined we'd arrive at with our own power. Even if the journey was hellish and sucked like crap when we're standing at that end point, the joy we feel is completely worth all the blood and sweat we shed getting there.
There have been times when my faith suffered because I was torn between what I desired and God's Will for my life. I guess it's always hard to let go of the things dear to you, but I made a commitment to always put Him first, and I don't regret it. Even if there are times when I feel like giving it up, He's always there to remind me that my own human eyes and my own human understanding aren't enough to see where He is leading me. That's where faith comes in.
Looking back, I can rejoice in God's plans for me, I've changed a great deal the past few years, the things I've experienced. I've strayed from God's path until half a year ago, but even now I don't regret any of the things that I've experienced. I can honestly I'm thankful for them because I can truly feel God's work in my life now.
The times where I've screwed up royally? When I wish I could undo the mistakes I made? I don't care about them. I have a clean slate in Christ, and in a way, those mistakes have made me stronger, a little wiser, maybe. Like how things ended with Angie, I wished I could have had some sort of closure, and I regret some of things I did, how much of a bad influence I was. I don't need that anymore. It was a painful lesson, but I needed it.
This is the first time I've actually mentioned her name in a long time. I don't care if people ask me and I give an honest answer that scares them off anymore. God knows and I've been given a new start in Him, why should I care what the world thinks?
A shepherd breaks a leg of the sheep who wanders from the flock. God broke my leg then (or heart), and because of that, I've grown. He knows I'm not ready for a relationship, despite my own insecurities, and I'm going to trust in His plans.
Even the things I've been going through the past few months in SA - council selections, orientation, joining SFC, they've all changed me in a profound manner (or at least, taught me something important).
I wouldn't have even entertained the notion of running for council before, but I was confident enough to give it a try, with the changes God made in my life. I didn't get in but hey, it was an experience, and I learned more about myself. I was always afraid of outwardly displaying my faith, with the perception of my friends that a guy who was a strong christian had to be a joke. Now, I don't really care what people say. I'm proud to say I'm a believer of Christ and that He lives in me.
With all this said, can I still say I'm the same as I was? Sure, some of my flaws are still inherent, and I have much work to do to get rid of them, but what cannot be achieved with strength in God? Essentially, I'm not the same person I was. I'm no longer feeling the pain from the scars of my past (or at least, I don't care about the pain anymore). I don't worry about the future anymore, I don't follow the ways of the world. I'm glad to say I'm a changed person, that I've come back to the Lord and I'm not the same.
I'm was lost but now I'm found. I will live a life of worship for the One who changed me forever.
--Xiang An at 6:15 PM
Saturday, May 16, 2009
"The animals going in were male and female of every living thing, as God had commanded Noah. Then the LORD shut him in." The Lord shut Noah in the ark. The Lord was bringing trials, and to save Noah, to preserve his family, He was the one who "Closed the door" (which is usually a negative connotation)
A wise man once said, "Could you imagine being Noah? Stuck in an ark with poor ventilation, no toilets, no good food, barely enough water, and stuck with stinky animals? It must've been hell-ish! But where would you rather be? In the ark, or outside the ark?" Trials that come our way usually hide us from the bigger trials that were awaiting us. And anyway, trials aren't all that bad in hindsight, cos they usually end up bringing us to a place, a high place, that we could never before reach.
Got this off Shane's blog post. It really spoke to me because I've been facing a seemingly endless stream of trials the past few weeks. Responsibilities have been piling up on me and at times I get so stressed I just want to do what Wesley Gibson did in Wanted (comic) and just stand up and give a big "@#$% you" to the world. It's been a real test of my patience and faith.
I'm glad to say I've dealt with my problems better than I would've normally (or in the past). Yes, there were times when my behaviour and how I reacted could've been improved. But I thank God for all that has happened, even the bad stuff. Why? Because I've learnt lessons, and I've grown the past few weeks, if only a little.
Like a line from Rite of Springs by Angels and Airwaves - "If I had a chance, for another try, I wouldn't change a thing, it's made me all I am inside" Some people wish they could go back in time and erase every major screw up, but do they realize they'd be erasing any maturing they did in that time?
I certainly wouldn't want to undo anything, even the all the crap that got me really down. Who cares? The Lord is with me, and even when He closes a door, He leaves a window open. Now, there's a really amusing comparison I'd like to make here.
Door - Most of the times, they open to another room, concrete and walls. A window? Outside windows we get a view of the world, a view of its beauty. When God shuts the door in our face, He is actually leading us towards a more beautiful scene, a better situation. Put simply, would you prefer to walk through that door only to see a corridor, concrete walls and more doors? Or an open window that offers the beauty of the world and the vast possibilities it holds?
--Xiang An at 9:44 PM
No questions why FM Static rocks =D Lyrics below for those who don't know the song!
[Verse 1] This time I finally see the reason why I can't do this alone It took some time and concentration To believe it, this I know. I need to build my faith sometimes But I am so comfortable in line I'm up, there's no more time, To try to mess with this design
[Chorus] Tonight's complete everyone's asleep and I don't want to say these words to You I'll be Your hand take me as I am I just wanna be with You
Take me as I am cause I'm going I was too scared to start now I'm too scared to let go Take me as I am, cause I'm growing but its so hard to tell when I'm not used to this soul (2x)
[Verse 2] I lift my voice to sing out Let the sound of my heart bring out These hands aren't holding me down Never again will I be without I need to build my faith sometimes But I am so comfortable in line I'm up there's no more time To try to mess with this design
(Chorus) (Repeat everything)
Yes Lord, take me as I am. I can't do this alone. It's so hard to live a life dedicated to you when this jester's heart won't let him forget his Queen. Please Lord, come and guide me cause I'm lost in this maze of life and I don't know the way out.
--Xiang An at 8:48 PM
Friday, May 15, 2009
Today was seriously a test of patience. Everyone was nagging me for the maths worksheet. Maths lecture, a reminder was flashed on the screen. Which means I, despite my tendency to miss things right in front of me, would've have seen it. Not that I'm pissed at my class or pointing fingers, I realize that they were just concerned about their own studies. But come on, common sense would tell you that I would have seen it, and I would know to collect it.
Now, that would not have really gotten on my nerves for more than 2 minutes, if not for the second incident. So, we had a marathon of maths lecture, chem lecture and maths tutorial until 12.30pm. Which would mean that I have no time to go buy the revision package, but someone just had to ask me when I would go and collect it.
Now, let me make this very clear for those who don't know me that well. The typical me would normally respond with some really mean and sarcastic remark. Like "Gee, I had like 2 and a half hours of lectures before this tutorial without any breaks in between, why didn't I collect the package? Oh, I think I just answered my own question. When the hell do you think I'm going to collect it?"
Of course, I didn't say that (even though I was very tempted to and given their incessant nagging, more than happy to), but I made a promise to watch what I say and not be so mean, so I held my tongue and replied normally (or as normally as I could).
Which got me wondering why my classmates were so (unnecessarily) worried about that few pieces of paper. Yes, it's for revision and will help them to improve in maths. However, is it worth all the trouble of repeatedly bugging the maths rep to get it? Especially when A) He has obviously seen the announcement on the screen and does not require your patronizing and B) He obviously has no time between the lesson marathons and therefore WILL collect it during the only break of the day.
I'm not blaming my classmates, but it seems to me that all this trouble is unnecessary. I understand their concern over maths, since I myself find some topics difficult. I just find worrying over things like this is really a waste of effort. (Although this might just be typical Singaporean ignorance and insensitivity, something even I am guilty of at times.)
Let me qualify that I define "worry" over studies differently from "responsibility" towards them. Yes, as a student, we should do our best to achieve the best possible grades we can with our abilities. I just feel that it does not warrant worrying and constantly bugging someone to get a stupid worksheet when you just have to wait for him to collect it at the next break. (Just let me add that if I do forget to collect it at the next break, THEN remind me.)
I know some of my classmates will disagree with me on this, but this is my brutal honesty. I don't see the need to mask my true feelings with niceness. If any of you guys get offended, do know that I do not mean to insult or blame you. Perhaps my perspective on things is just different. Maybe it's my belief in God that He will provide for everything we TRULY need to satisfy our spiritual hunger, that I need not worry about tomorrow or anything because God will take care of me, as long as I have faith in Him. "Do your best and let God take care of the rest" as they say.
If you guys have any disputes over this, well, it's my belief in God's providence and promise for my life. Like it or not, that's my philosophy on life. I'm not some stubborn ass that won't admit his faults. I realize I've delayed getting stuff before, but I have good reasons when I do. ESPECIALLY since I'm BROKE.
--Xiang An at 7:37 PM
Thursday, May 14, 2009
This is such an awesome song =P
--Xiang An at 7:58 PM
Bring a cake to school when you're carrying a shoe bag and schoolbag already is not fun ): Celine confessed to me today (hahaha, inside joke).
We brought the cake to thank Ms Sab for teaching us all this time while Mrs Goh was overseas in the US. Although, she still has one more lesson with us next week! I took out my camera to take a class picture and it ended up being abused by the girls to camwhore. My poor camera D:
It's not that bad, but June and Serene were taking pictures in the girls' toilet so now I know what it looks like inside. It's like orange doors and so bright compared to the guys' toilets. Sheesh.
Voice in my head: "Why are you talking about toilets in your blog post?" Me: "Oh yeah. Oh well. Moving on."
We should so have a class chalet in June! All the muggers in class who don't want to go cause they want to study at home. Rawr.
SFC J1s! Let's do a full band morning worship sometime! Drummers and bassist and keyboardist needed! hahaha.
--Xiang An at 7:41 PM
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Okay, F&N Orange + Carlsberg is a stupid mix of drinks. I couldn't taste the orange flavour at all.
Next experiment, root beer (or coke?) with actual beer? Maybe when I get the chance. It's not like I should be drinking this stuff all the time.
--Xiang An at 11:49 PM
I'm in a fight not physical, In a war, but not with this world.
You are the Light that's beautiful, I want more, I want all that's Yours.
Joy unspeakable that won't go away, And just enough strength to live for today So I never have to worry what tomorrow will bring Cause my faith is on solid rock, I'm counting on God
I'm counting on, I'm counting on God (4x)
And the miracle of Christ in me, Is the mystery that sets me free I'm nothing like I used to be, Open up your eyes, you'll see.
I've made a commitment after service today. I won't let my emotions or troubles sway me from my focus on God anymore. Like what Brother Cafai (sorry if I spelt the name wrong? xD) said, God already had a purpose and plan for us in mind, already envisioned us as we are now even before we were born. He spent time alone with us while we were still unformed bodies to create us. Each of us are valuable in His eyes.
It is that same exact reason why we should trust in His plans for us, trust in His purpose and intent for us. That's why I'm going to leave everything else second to Him. So if it is not His will for me to end up with her, so be it. I'll let Him guide my way and Him alone.
Lord, not my will but Your will be done.
--Xiang An at 4:05 PM
Saturday, May 09, 2009
You're the Moon, I'm just the wolverine.
--Xiang An at 4:14 PM
Friday, May 08, 2009
I would so gladly sing this version of "Secret Crowds" I wrote. If only she knew.
She's not from this world, With passion burning like fire, Her beautiful soul I admire, The smile of a little child, The sight of her drives me wild.
She's the ruler of my world, She fills the love that's inside it, Turns my heart into a riot, Each breath I take is tough, Like guns, bomb sounding off.
I'm just a jester, I'm nobody to her, I'd bring her days laughter, Just to be beside her,
Can't you see my heart's on fire? The tears I shed behind my laughter, Only you, I'll have no other Everyday I shout it louder
You're the Queen of my world, You bring out the life that's inside it, I know our love will glow when we find it, I know it'll survive with it's families, Friends or it's enemies.
I wish this was our world, I'd wish you'd tell me "I love you" Do you know you make my sky blue, You make the best in me possible, God's greatest miracle.
I'm just a jester, I'm nobody to her, I'd bring her days laughter, Just to be beside her,
I'm just a jester, I'm nobody to her, I'd bring her days laughter, Just to be beside her,
Can't you see my heart's on fire? The tears I shed behind my laughter, Only you, I'll have no other Everyday I shout it louder
Can't you see my heart's on fire? The tears I shed behind my laughter, Only you, I'll have no other Everyday I shout it louder
Can't you see my heart's on fire? The tears I shed behind my laughter, Only you, I'll have no other Everyday I shout it louder
Can't you see my heart's on fire? The tears I shed behind my laughter, Only you, I'll have no other Everyday I shout it louder
--Xiang An at 11:11 PM
Okay, the last calculations for Cyclops' eye beam's energy was faulty. So...
Assuming Cyclops’ eyebeam is a photon beam, Wavelength = 7.5x10^-5 since it’s red light.
Momentum of 1 photon = (6.62x10^-34)/(7.5x10^-5) = 8.827x10^-30 No. of photons needed to move 1kg of mass 1m in 1s of force = 1/(8.827x10^-30) = 1.133x10^29 Cyclops knocks a human target (aprox. 70kg)backwards by 50m (estimated from movie) in 1s, No. of photons needed = (1.133x10^29)(70)(50) = 3.965x10^32 Energy required = (3.965x10^32)(3.00x10^8) = 1.190x10^41 J
Cross-sectional area of eye beam is about 50cm2 Density of photons in eyebeam = 3.965x10^32 /50 = 7.93x10^30 photons/cm2
--Xiang An at 11:01 PM
Thursday, May 07, 2009
I spent the last 2 hours calculating this.
Assuming Cyclops’ eyebeam is a photon beam, Wavelength = 7.5x10^-5 since it’s red light.
Momentum of 1 photon = [2(6.62x10^-34)(π)]/(7.5x10^-5) = 5.45x10^-29 No. of photons needed to move 1kg of mass 1m in 1s of force = 1/(5.45x10^-29) = 1.803x10^28 Cyclops knocks a human target (aprox. 70kg)backwards by 50m (estimated from movie) in 1s, No. of photons needed = 1.803x10^28 x 70 x 50 = 6.310x10^31 Energy required = (6.310x10^31)(3.00x10^8) = 1.89x10^40 J
What the hell is he eating to supply that much energy?
Moving on, Cross-sectional area of eye beam is about 50cm2 Density of photons in eyebeam = 6.310x10^31 /50 = 1.26x10^30 photons/cm2
And this is the song I wrote about the story on the previous post, based off Everything's Magic by Angels and Airwaves
The Jester's Queen
Do you feel the sorrow when he laughs? And do you ever see the tears he cries? This sad and lonely jester, The sad and lonely jester, Do you see the face beneath the mask? And have you noticed the pain he feels? This sad and lonely jester, The sad and lonely jester.
So hear this plea, Coming from the heart that cries endlessly, Tears hiding behind the comic's mask, Don't you know that you're the Jester's Queen? You rule the kingdom of his heart He lies on his bed and he thinks of you, You're the reason why his sky is blue, You're the reason for his smile
Do you know of his sleepless nights? That inside he's telling himself "Don't try"? Don't try to let yourself down Don't try to let yourself down Do you know the jester has fallen in love? Would you take a chance with me, my love? You're the reason I laugh, You're the reason I cry
So hear this plea, Coming from the heart that cries endlessly, Tears hiding behind the comic's mask, Don't you know that you're the Jester's Queen? You rule the kingdom of his heart He lies on his bed and he thinks of you, You're the reason why his sky is blue, You're the reason for his smile You're the reason when he cries.
So hear this plea, Coming from the heart that cries endlessly, Tears hiding behind the comic's mask, Don't you know you're the Jester's Queen? You rule the kingdom of his heart He lies on his bed and he thinks of you, You're the reason why his sky is blue, You're the reason when he cries.
--Xiang An at 10:43 PM
Jester and the Queen
There was a kingdom, ruled by a Queen. She was beautiful and wise, and cared for all her people. Everyday she would go about her duties, and they would take her around the kingdom. Her duties brought her through the city square where a lowly jester performed each day. One day, she stopped and listened to his wit and humour, and after he was done performing, talked to him. A lowly jester had no place to talk to a might Queen, but she cared not about trivial laws.
Her wisdom and beautiful soul captured his heart, and the jester would put on his best show each day. Put on his best, hoping the Queen would be charmed by his words. The jester made fun of the kingdom and the way the Queen ruled it, for that was what he always did. He could not stop, for the audience enjoyed it and they would’ve caught on to the sudden change. They would know, that the jester had feelings for the Queen, and they would be after his blood, for a jester had no right to love the Queen.
The jester knew they were not meant to be; his love was forbidden on earth and in heaven. She was devoted to her duties, and jesters could never touch royalty. Everyday the jester talked to the Queen, knowing that was as close as he got. He made her laugh, and at times his jokes caused much annoyance with the Queen as he did with most of his audience, yet he tried his best to show her all that he was.
Yet he knew, that jesters have no place with the Queen, that as a jester it was his job to make fun of the kingdom and how the Queen ran it, but not to be her King. So despite the anguish and sorrow he felt inside, he put on a mask of mirth and laughter. He made all around him laugh at his jokes, while deep inside his heart he was crying and calling out for someone who could come and mend the brokenness inside. He called out to God, who was Almighty and faithful, to heal the pain he felt inside but it did not fade. Despite his best efforts to forget his emotions, to ignore that voice yelling out inside, he could not. His chest was constantly in pain and he could never ignore it.
The jester often entertained the children of the kingdom with fairytales, told them of happy endings and hope in the darkness. Yet his own tale was to end tragically. He knew the Queen would never love him the way he loved her, and so he cut open his chest and dug out his heart, placing it in a box and throwing it into the depths of the ocean, where it was lost forever. For he could not go against the ways of the kingdom.
The Queen had never seen his true face, for it was hidden behind his jester’s mask, and privy to few. He cast a spell binding the mask of mirth and laughter to his face forever, so no one, especially the Queen, would notice his pain. No one would know who he really was or the gaping hole in his chest. A spell no one, not even the jester, could remove but the Queen. As time passed everyone believed he had nothing wise to say, only jokes to tell. No one noticed the difference in him, not even the Queen. No one remembered that the jester usually removed his mask after his shows, and not wear it every minute of the day.
No one cared to ask.
Not even the Queen, as she continued to speak to him but never saw his true face. She never asked him to show it to her, for that was all that was needed for the spell to be undone. Who would bother to get to know a man who saw everything as a joke? Who cares about the man whose mouth is filled with cynicism and sarcasm? Who would fathom the true nature, the real face of a man while they were all laughing around him, while he was making them laugh?
She never knew of the hole in his chest, where his heart was dug out. The jester knew he was not fit to be the King, hence he distanced himself from her over time.
In the end of this sad story, lies an even more tragic fact - for the jester had dug out his heart, but the pain in his chest never left him, as if his heart was never gone. For the jester's love was not bound to his heart, but to his soul. If he wanted to erase the pain, he would have to destroy his own soul.
So, to you, my Queen, I ask this one question: Will you ask me to remove the mask, or have me destroy my own soul?
Maybe I should ask this first, do you know you're the Queen in this jester's story?
--Xiang An at 5:10 PM
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
SFC was meaningful, as usual. Today's topic was temptation.
It's funny how most Christians feel bad about giving in to temptation, me included. God knows we are all imperfect, which is why Jesus intercedes for us in heaven. By giving in to sin and temptation, we are not sinful. This sounds kind of skewed, but it's true. The enemy wishes to deceive us by telling us we are sinful by committing sin, but when we sin, it is like falling out of God's character for a moment. A moment of slip up.
It doesn't mean that we shouldn't try to keep away from it, or just continue doing it, but during the times we slip up, we shouldn't be beating ourselves up over it. Learn from it and move on. None of us are perfect, and none of us can say we will never give in to temptation or sin again, but if we should always consult God and to ask Him to aid us when we're feeling weak and temptation seems to be winning the battle in our hearts.
It may be a tough journey for us to keep this up, but having a strong faith in God means to trust in Him, that at the end of this difficult journey we may find rest and joy beyond measure in heaven.
With that said, I'll stop feeling guilty over giving in to temptation the past week and instead get my focus back on God, to ask Him for the strength to say "no" to temptation and just walk away.
--Xiang An at 9:30 PM
Monday, May 04, 2009
This isn't a worship song, but it's still so in tune with God's love for us. Isn't God the one that can save us if we want to? That somebody who cares?
We get swept away by His love for us, and He is always there when we feel cold inside. His hand is there to pick us up when we need it.
Our God is a faithful God :)
--Xiang An at 11:32 PM
Sunday, May 03, 2009
Men dream of flying like the birds, But birds have to land and rest. Men dream of being free like the wind, But the wind has to die. Men dream of rising tall like the waves, But the waves have to crash.
Oh how I wish I could be free of all the troubles of this world. To fly like the birds and not have to rest, to be free like the wind but never die, to rise tall like the waves and never crash.
What a fleeting dream this all is.
On a lighter note, the keyboard tune for the new song we're singing in worship is stuck in my head.
--Xiang An at 10:12 PM
Today's service really spoke to me. What is full hearted devotion to God? I can't say I'm fully devoted to Him when there are times when my troubles take my focus off him. Distractions are always in our lives, trying to take our eyes off God. I'm guilty of that. There are times when my feelings for a certain girl becomes more important than living for God.
Times when I'm so tempted to just do what I want, even when I know it's sinning against God. Like Pastor Andy told us before, it's not easy to die to ourselves and let God's Work take place in our lives. It's hard to sacrifice what we desire for what God desires. Especially when we have a myopic view of life. When things get tough, we start asking God why He puts us in such difficult situations. It's not easy to remind ourselves "It's alright, God has a plan to prosper me, not to harm me, even if things are looking bad now, they'll be better in the end."
Especially when things really suck, at times when things seem like they can only get worse, people start questioning how could God put them in such situations. We never really realize just how powerful we become in His grace, when we abandon our own human understanding and just have complete trust in Him and the plan He has for us.
Even for me, especially when I start thinking about my feelings for her. Although I keep telling myself there will be a time when the God chosen one for me comes, it's hard to ignore how I feel about her. Seeing her everyday in school, seeing her smile at me, I start questioning God's plans. Is she the one or not? Or is she another distraction to God's Will for my life? It's hard when emotions cloud my judgment. It's hard dying to myself, humbling myself and saying "God have Your way." Like a rebellious son, it's hard for me to put aside what I want for what God wants for me. Yet I trust in Him, and it's my choice to live for Him.
Lord have Your way with me. Let Your will be done. Even if it means dying to myself.
--Xiang An at 8:53 PM
Wolverine after Friday the 13th!
Friday's outing with the gang from 433 was fun! As usual. The kind of senseless fun unadulterated by the opposite sex. There's nothing wrong with having girls along, but there are times when it just has to be a sausage fest! I miss the male bonding, all the laughs we had, the jokes we shared (that can't be said around girls. Heh.)
We watched Friday the 13th first. Yes it's an M18 show, but we managed to sneak in, since we all look like mature young adults! (Sarcasm intended) It kind of sucked, for a horror film. There was no beheading during close up shots of the actors, and they didn't explain how come Jason didn't kill the girl at the beginning when we all watched him swing the machete at her.
Not to mention the fact that Jason was standing outside the window watching the couple having sex and he didn't break in and kill them! That would've been fun. I was anticipating it when they showed Jason outside the room. I was thinking in my head (where else would I be thinking? haha) "He's going to barge in and kill them", but nothing happened. Sigh.
Wolverine was awesome. The action scenes were, at least. The plot wasn't that good seeing as how it was Wolverine's past as described in the comic. Although I found it weird that they featured Gambit, but he never showed up in any of the X-Men movies before. Come on, he's like the coolest guy in the whole series! He throws EXPLODING CARDS. That's two things I love all rolled into one in his arsenal! Gambit was created for pyromaniac magicians like me! Hahaha.
Gambit REALLY outdid himself in the movie, though. He sprung the cards and in mid air, sent each of them flying towards Wolverine, which was super cool. When I grow up, I want to be just like him!
Besides, he destroyed an entire block of buildings just by swinging his staff into the ground. Awesome.
--Xiang An at 8:41 PM