Friday, July 30, 2010
Frustrating
Sums up the past few days for me so far. It's been really trying and a kick in the groin for me.
Wednesday: I was informed last minute I had to chair the SFC meeting for that day since Stella and Wee Kit had to go for some last minute dialogue. People didn't show up and without reason. Reached home at 8.00pm. Rest? Nope. GP Presentation to prepare for the next day. Math test to study for AND getting things done for Open House.
No reply from people I approach to do certain tasks, or about their availability to do the shifts for open house despite being told to do so by 8 pm.
Thursday:
GP Presentation - Not bad, 9.5/10. Presented on the topic of whether violent games cause violence.
Math test - Totally bummed it. It was manageable, but I know it wasn't my best effort. Hardly studied.
PE - Wasn't looking forward to more NAPFA training on top of what I had to do, but Mr Ang gave us a break and let us play Ultimate Frisbee.
Went for POD, and headed home. Rest? Again, no. Assigning shifts for open house and sending out an email to AT about the SFC shirt. N disturbed me about not getting the email at midnight when I was trying to sleep. So I had to wake up and send the email again. Stella asked me to attending the open house briefing in place of her and Wee Kit the next day @ 5pm. I ended school at 12.30. Sucked, but hey, no worries. Sent another SMS out to ask people to come down and help set up the booth.
Friday:
Guess who came to help me set up the booth?
No one. Not a single soul.
Wait, it gets better. N was supposed to do the OCIP photo board. She told in the MORNING that she hadn't developed the photos. The deadline was today. Asked her why she didn't ask me to help. No proper answers. Didn't even know what the photo board was supposed to look like. She asked me after MW in the most nonchalant tone ever what she was supposed to do.
Projectionist for that day? Late. I had to cover for him.
=========
My thoughts:
Why the heck do I have to put up with such bullshit? This piss poor attitude hasn't improved, and people are going on about the wrong messages being preached about the Gospel and wanting to impact lives. My only response to that is - No point preaching the right message if the school sees only ONE member of SFC being there to prep for open house. No point preaching about things we can't do or live by.
As a teacher once told me, the label of an SFC member is as such to non-Christians - "love God so much it's your CCA." Yet I see people throwing this around as if it were nothing - as if SFC is asking too much to them. Coming to SFC, saying YOU are willing SACRIFICE EVERYTHING for the Gospel... and you're not willing to even stay back in school till 5pm or take the effort to be accountable or to reply a stupid message. Does your sacrificing everything only extend to "when it's convenient"?
"I don't want to give a fuck anymore." The only thought that filled my mind as I took the bus ride home, mood worsened further by the fact that my bag sling snapped on the way out of school. Life was just determined to kick me deeper into the ditch than I already was. I was seriously contemplating just resigning from SFC - forget that I'm exco, forget that I have heavier responsibilities now. I don't want to see the fruits of our labour be wasted away or destroyed in a single year.
=================
And yet... For every thought of wanting to give up and yell at SFC, God was speaking to me.
Are you going to feel bitter about it and give up just cause you're working alone? Or are you going to trust in Me to deliver on My promise, to work within SFC and the college?
Should their actions influence your desire to serve Me?
Will you stand for your beliefs even while you seem to be standing alone?
"The turning of the tide always begins with a soldier's decision to head back into the fray." Are you that soldier?
I guess this is just a challenge I'll have to overcome, and ultimately all that matters is that I give my best to the Lord and let Him take care of the rest. Perhaps this is just another process of molding for me to truly be a servant and put others above myself.
Do things in SFC need to be worked out? Definitely, but I don't intend to do it while I'm angry. Neither do I have the right words nor the finesse in my current state of mind. The simplest solution is always to take it to the Lord in prayer. I trust that He has a plan for the current batch of SFC and although it has been frustrating for me in so many ways, it's so much easier for me to commit it into His hands than to take matters into my own hands.
My youth pastor made this comment on facebook about Inception:
Truth is... what are you going to do with the life God has given you? Cobb tried to take matters into his own and made a mess he has to live with for the rest of his life.
I question the idea that you'd think of entrusting things to God while you're dreaming - in a realm where you ARE God, in a way. You get to mold your dream world in anyway you want, it's easy to see how praying for a solution for your problems in a dream is ludricous when it's all in your head and YOU have the power to CHANGE the dream... Then again, it's a valid point, isn't it? He tried to play God and DID end up with a huge mess and a greater bundle of guilt he had to carry.
Simply put, it's easier to entrust my frustrations to God, who is perfect and benevolent than to try and incept "my perception" of the "right" attitude into SFC - I might just make things worse, right?
==========
I'm just going to end off this post with a cheerful song of praise:
I won't worry about tomorrow
I'm giving You my fears and sorrows
Where You lead me I will follow
I'm trusting in what You say
Today is the day!
==============
Trusting in what He says is a habit... and it reminds me of this:
Habit never dies. If you take the "H" out "a bit" is left, take the "a" out "bit" left, take "b" out "it" is still there!
BUT WAIT. There's one last part for us as Christians! Take out the "i", and only t, the CROSS, is left. And ultimately that's all there is to living our lives and trusting it to the Lord! :)
--Xiang An at 7:57 PM
Sunday, July 11, 2010
The world was a tomb to me, a graveyard of broken statues, and each of those statues resembled her face.
So many things are weighing me down and yet I don't really want to post them here. Part of it is a new policy of not putting such stuff on my blog (and considering deleting this blog altogether), the other part of it is that it sucks for your friends to have to learn about what's bothering you like this. To hell with it.
--Xiang An at 10:14 PM
Friday, July 09, 2010
A thousand words in a single thought
--Xiang An at 11:01 PM
Monday, July 05, 2010
An American Controlling China
That was what was happening while we played Command and Conquer at Meridien. HAHA.
Edward is back in Singapore for the month, after having been in high school in the US for 3 years and being unable to return cause he skipped a year and had to make up for the classes during summer. He's back in Singapore for the month and the 433 guys had a reunion with him!
It's nice catching up with friends you haven't seen in years. Wow, his accent is totally Americanized now. Haha. It's weird hearing him talking like that.
And Tze Yang made the biggest fail of the day: Telling everyone to meet at Swenson's @ Orchard Central when it was the one at ION that we were supposed to go. So I ended up making my way there and waiting in line with him while the others were LATE (as is typical of all SJI guys... haha)
Loads of fun today, and we're meeting up again in two weeks' time! Awesome stuff. Can't wait! It's been so long since I've gone to play pool or LAN, man I really need to get out of my house more
And I need to go watch Toy Story 3 before it phases out ):
--Xiang An at 8:12 PM
Friday, July 02, 2010
In the words of Ben Parker...
With great power comes great responsibility.
And as far as bible verses go, when much is given, much is expected.
I find myself relating a lot to Alistair in Dragon Age suddenly. I don't like to lead, be at the center of attention, or in any kind of position that makes people focus on / look to me.
Yet, inevitably, it always gets thrust upon me.
Is it so hard to just fade into obscurity and not be noticed?
I freak out when people all turn their attention to me. I freak out when people are relying on me to carry something to completion.
It's not that I'm not flattered that people think I'm someone they can turn to for help. I am.
I just don't know what they see in me that makes them think I'm reliable.
Same thing during OCIP, when people were affirming me for the "good" things that I did. I didn't really feel like I deserved the recognition at all. Is this what they call "the worst critic you have is yourself"?
Maybe.
It's a lot to think about, and perhaps God is challenging me to really step up to all that He has in store for me. I just pray that I have the strength (and the maturity) to see these challenges through.
So much for wanting a carefree JC life where I'm just another wallflower. :(
--Xiang An at 3:41 PM
Frustrating
Sums up the past few days for me so far. It's been really trying and a kick in the groin for me.
Wednesday: I was informed last minute I had to chair the SFC meeting for that day since Stella and Wee Kit had to go for some last minute dialogue. People didn't show up and without reason. Reached home at 8.00pm. Rest? Nope. GP Presentation to prepare for the next day. Math test to study for AND getting things done for Open House.
No reply from people I approach to do certain tasks, or about their availability to do the shifts for open house despite being told to do so by 8 pm.
Thursday:
GP Presentation - Not bad, 9.5/10. Presented on the topic of whether violent games cause violence.
Math test - Totally bummed it. It was manageable, but I know it wasn't my best effort. Hardly studied.
PE - Wasn't looking forward to more NAPFA training on top of what I had to do, but Mr Ang gave us a break and let us play Ultimate Frisbee.
Went for POD, and headed home. Rest? Again, no. Assigning shifts for open house and sending out an email to AT about the SFC shirt. N disturbed me about not getting the email at midnight when I was trying to sleep. So I had to wake up and send the email again. Stella asked me to attending the open house briefing in place of her and Wee Kit the next day @ 5pm. I ended school at 12.30. Sucked, but hey, no worries. Sent another SMS out to ask people to come down and help set up the booth.
Friday:
Guess who came to help me set up the booth?
No one. Not a single soul.
Wait, it gets better. N was supposed to do the OCIP photo board. She told in the MORNING that she hadn't developed the photos. The deadline was today. Asked her why she didn't ask me to help. No proper answers. Didn't even know what the photo board was supposed to look like. She asked me after MW in the most nonchalant tone ever what she was supposed to do.
Projectionist for that day? Late. I had to cover for him.
=========
My thoughts:
Why the heck do I have to put up with such bullshit? This piss poor attitude hasn't improved, and people are going on about the wrong messages being preached about the Gospel and wanting to impact lives. My only response to that is - No point preaching the right message if the school sees only ONE member of SFC being there to prep for open house. No point preaching about things we can't do or live by.
As a teacher once told me, the label of an SFC member is as such to non-Christians - "love God so much it's your CCA." Yet I see people throwing this around as if it were nothing - as if SFC is asking too much to them. Coming to SFC, saying YOU are willing SACRIFICE EVERYTHING for the Gospel... and you're not willing to even stay back in school till 5pm or take the effort to be accountable or to reply a stupid message. Does your sacrificing everything only extend to "when it's convenient"?
"I don't want to give a fuck anymore." The only thought that filled my mind as I took the bus ride home, mood worsened further by the fact that my bag sling snapped on the way out of school. Life was just determined to kick me deeper into the ditch than I already was. I was seriously contemplating just resigning from SFC - forget that I'm exco, forget that I have heavier responsibilities now. I don't want to see the fruits of our labour be wasted away or destroyed in a single year.
=================
And yet... For every thought of wanting to give up and yell at SFC, God was speaking to me.
Are you going to feel bitter about it and give up just cause you're working alone? Or are you going to trust in Me to deliver on My promise, to work within SFC and the college?
Should their actions influence your desire to serve Me?
Will you stand for your beliefs even while you seem to be standing alone?
"The turning of the tide always begins with a soldier's decision to head back into the fray." Are you that soldier?
I guess this is just a challenge I'll have to overcome, and ultimately all that matters is that I give my best to the Lord and let Him take care of the rest. Perhaps this is just another process of molding for me to truly be a servant and put others above myself.
Do things in SFC need to be worked out? Definitely, but I don't intend to do it while I'm angry. Neither do I have the right words nor the finesse in my current state of mind. The simplest solution is always to take it to the Lord in prayer. I trust that He has a plan for the current batch of SFC and although it has been frustrating for me in so many ways, it's so much easier for me to commit it into His hands than to take matters into my own hands.
My youth pastor made this comment on facebook about Inception:
Truth is... what are you going to do with the life God has given you? Cobb tried to take matters into his own and made a mess he has to live with for the rest of his life.
I question the idea that you'd think of entrusting things to God while you're dreaming - in a realm where you ARE God, in a way. You get to mold your dream world in anyway you want, it's easy to see how praying for a solution for your problems in a dream is ludricous when it's all in your head and YOU have the power to CHANGE the dream... Then again, it's a valid point, isn't it? He tried to play God and DID end up with a huge mess and a greater bundle of guilt he had to carry.
Simply put, it's easier to entrust my frustrations to God, who is perfect and benevolent than to try and incept "my perception" of the "right" attitude into SFC - I might just make things worse, right?
==========
I'm just going to end off this post with a cheerful song of praise:
I won't worry about tomorrow
I'm giving You my fears and sorrows
Where You lead me I will follow
I'm trusting in what You say
Today is the day!
==============
Trusting in what He says is a habit... and it reminds me of this:
Habit never dies. If you take the "H" out "a bit" is left, take the "a" out "bit" left, take "b" out "it" is still there!
BUT WAIT. There's one last part for us as Christians! Take out the "i", and only t, the CROSS, is left. And ultimately that's all there is to living our lives and trusting it to the Lord! :)
--Xiang An at 7:57 PM
Sunday, July 11, 2010
The world was a tomb to me, a graveyard of broken statues, and each of those statues resembled her face.
So many things are weighing me down and yet I don't really want to post them here. Part of it is a new policy of not putting such stuff on my blog (and considering deleting this blog altogether), the other part of it is that it sucks for your friends to have to learn about what's bothering you like this. To hell with it.
--Xiang An at 10:14 PM
Friday, July 09, 2010
A thousand words in a single thought
--Xiang An at 11:01 PM
Monday, July 05, 2010
An American Controlling China
That was what was happening while we played Command and Conquer at Meridien. HAHA.
Edward is back in Singapore for the month, after having been in high school in the US for 3 years and being unable to return cause he skipped a year and had to make up for the classes during summer. He's back in Singapore for the month and the 433 guys had a reunion with him!
It's nice catching up with friends you haven't seen in years. Wow, his accent is totally Americanized now. Haha. It's weird hearing him talking like that.
And Tze Yang made the biggest fail of the day: Telling everyone to meet at Swenson's @ Orchard Central when it was the one at ION that we were supposed to go. So I ended up making my way there and waiting in line with him while the others were LATE (as is typical of all SJI guys... haha)
Loads of fun today, and we're meeting up again in two weeks' time! Awesome stuff. Can't wait! It's been so long since I've gone to play pool or LAN, man I really need to get out of my house more
And I need to go watch Toy Story 3 before it phases out ):
--Xiang An at 8:12 PM
Friday, July 02, 2010
In the words of Ben Parker...
With great power comes great responsibility.
And as far as bible verses go, when much is given, much is expected.
I find myself relating a lot to Alistair in Dragon Age suddenly. I don't like to lead, be at the center of attention, or in any kind of position that makes people focus on / look to me.
Yet, inevitably, it always gets thrust upon me.
Is it so hard to just fade into obscurity and not be noticed?
I freak out when people all turn their attention to me. I freak out when people are relying on me to carry something to completion.
It's not that I'm not flattered that people think I'm someone they can turn to for help. I am.
I just don't know what they see in me that makes them think I'm reliable.
Same thing during OCIP, when people were affirming me for the "good" things that I did. I didn't really feel like I deserved the recognition at all. Is this what they call "the worst critic you have is yourself"?
Maybe.
It's a lot to think about, and perhaps God is challenging me to really step up to all that He has in store for me. I just pray that I have the strength (and the maturity) to see these challenges through.
So much for wanting a carefree JC life where I'm just another wallflower. :(
--Xiang An at 3:41 PM