Ever realised how potent those words are? That God would say that He is OURS?
I find myself looking ahead at this term, at the road leading up to Easter Week and beyond... And I'm scared. How are we going to pull it off? How are we going to get everything together? In all this confusion, God brought me once again to Isaiah 41, which I shared during a time of prayer last year. "Do not fear, for I am your God." A promise that brings with it much hope.
Whatever difficulties, whatever problems come, God will see us through, and God will provide and guide us through this journey. Perhaps it's one of those times where God puts all these things in place so that at the end of the journey, at the end of the Easter Week, we can truly look back and thank God for enabling everything we did. "Unless the Lord builds the house, the laborers labor in vain." I found that especially true and while SFC as a whole might be terrified, nervous, worried and turning into headless chickens at the thought of it, perhaps God engineered all of this to tell us, "Hey, I've got your back."
It's a fearsome thought. I find myself being reminded that God honors all sacrifices big and small, and that no matter how much we may worry about our grades or what the next few months wil bring, God WILL see us through it. It's encouraging, it's inspiring. Yet I find myself utterly dreading the cost. For God has to break us, to cleanse us and bring us into that refining fire so that He is glorified in our lives before He can be glorified in SAJC. I'm almost afraid at what He'll challenge me with.
Hm, but I guess that's a bridge I'll have to cross when I get to it, huh?
I still can't deny that I'm excited about Easter Week this year though!
8-8-8
On a separate note... I realise that frequenting the maid cafe is burning out my wallet T.T I've got to stop eating so much there and just order drinks. Though... The food is tempting. It's quite good, and the fact that the meido-sans put in so much effort to present it in a cute way... Kind of makes you appreciate the food. For me especially since I usually sit at the end of the bar where they're preparing the food. (Reminds me of frustrating times when I was working at a cafe after O levels... ><)
To date, there has only been perhaps two people who have not rolled their eyes at the confession of me frequenting a "maid cafe". Okay, one of them is Chris, who is just about as geeky as I am anyway, but still. Then again, I am the one who has spoken to a few of the meido-sans... (seriously, though, it's more due to the fact that I went there alone. The same meido-sans didn't really come to talk when it was Chris and me. Plus Pearl/Celine when they were there. Hm =/)
It's much easier talking to them than normal girls. Litmus test for an otaku? :D Hehe. Hm, though to be honest they're the ones doing the talking normally. I just make casual comments =/ (Honestly though, how am I supposed to respond when they ask me who among the meido-sans I find prettier? It's a loaded question. Not to mention I have no freaking idea what to look for when they ask me if I can tell how they've changed their appearance -.- Bimbotic conversation topics, but it's still conversation)
Maybe I should delete this part of my post before I get executed by certain people
--Xiang An at 11:46 PM
Wednesday, January 05, 2011
Surrender
8-8-8
This song describes my struggles. The struggle between my heart's desires, and the desire for God to be the driving force of my life.
How often do we realise just how difficult it is to live our lives as followers of Christ?
To die to our own self, to pick up our crosses daily and follow his commandments. To live knowing that He is the owner of our lives, not ourselves.
I've been struggling with my feelings for Charlie (codename:D) for some time now, and during the retreat, I just found myself saying to God, "You know what? This thing is frustrating me because it's making me choose between her and You. I'll choose You - Your will, Your purpose, Your plans. I'm not going to ask for anything in return, because I don't deserve it. I don't deserve anything after You've died for me on the Cross. I didn't even deserve You doing that for me!"
And with that perspective, it's almost as if all the thoughts bothering me, all the struggles, just ceased. Ceased because I knew there was something bigger, I knew there was something else for me in my life, whether it included her or not. Do I believe in this? Yes. Why and how? I don't honestly know, but God knows, and that's enough for me. I'll just have to learn to be content with that.
--Xiang An at 10:38 PM