Strumming from the Soul

The Notes

Xiang An aka Reaper
20 February 1992
Christian
That's really all there is to know about me

Echoes

Past Sounds

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The Music

Friday, January 18, 2008



One word sums up my life so far this year: Hell.

New Year? Sucked like hell. Back to school, busy as hell. Teachers, naggy as hell. Me? Stressed as hell. Home? Fucked up like hell. That's why there's only one conclusion to draw - I'm in hell.

Still the thought of her seems to make all these things vanish. At the same time it's agonising how little time we have to spend together. I have to handle homework and the next Combined with CHIJ TP. Not to mention the tests and whatnot I have to deal with every week.

I don't blame her. I mean, I can't expect her to have only time for me. She has her own life and I understand that :D

Yet I feel this is another torment to me. My mum seems to be unhappy until she has driven everything I like out the window. Just cause I was sick today. She went on about the O Levels and how I couldn't afford to miss them. Hey. I'm sorry I'm stressed. I'm sorry I'm not getting enough sleep. I'm sorry I'm a failure. Deal with it. I'm tired of your incessant nagging at things I'm trying so hard to do.

Come on. I'm human. I can't make everyone happy. It's my life. I shouldn't live it to meet your expectations. In fact, I'm tired of trying to meet them. Not happy with my results? Too bad. I think they're okay. I think I'm doing okay. Just cause you're not home till late at night and you don't see me doing any homework doesn't mean I didn't do it.

You think you know me? Well, my friends know me better than you do. I can trust them more than I trust you. It's so much easier to talk to them than it is to you. Every damned time I want to open up, it's either you give me that condescending tone, or you make it sound like my fault.

I'm sorry I can't be perfect. Sue me.

Argh. Enough of the fucked up rants. I'm not going to let stuff like that bother me. If my parents can't believe in me, I'll believe in myself. I'm not the most honest person around, but I still have that inch of integrity within me. Yet that inch is worth so little, and belittle so much. When I allow my integrity to take over my actions and admit my mistakes, I get screwed.

So I'm tired of being honest. I'm not going to lie. I'm not even going to let them know what's going on. They can ask me if they're interested. Which I doubt so. They ask, I answer. Don't expect me to say anymore than that.

Life's a bitch huh?

--Xiang An at 10:33 PM


Sunday, January 13, 2008



Great. Don't you just love it when things blow up in your face? WJ didn't inform me or Douglas about him getting injured. So we went to school yesterday only to find out we couldn't take our hike.

Which only means I get to see her xD

Oh well. Taking it 2 weeks from now. Who cares. Inter-class next week.

My brain is really getting fried from looking at differentiation for so long. Argh.

--Xiang An at 8:16 PM


Thursday, January 10, 2008



Sec 4 life is so damned stressful and tough.

Not to mention our teachers' sense of humour has definitely gotten worse. Somebody save me.

I miss her. And I won't get to see her this Saturday because I have to go for my stupid Hike.

--Xiang An at 11:01 PM