I know I really shouldn't be listening to this song when I've got work to do, but what the heck!
Today I don't feel like doing anything
I just want to lay in my bed
Don't feel like picking up my phone
So leave a message at my tone
I'm gonna kick my feet up then stare at the fan
Turn the TV on, throw my hand in my pants
Nobody's gon' tell me I can't
I'll be lounging on the couch just chilling in my Snuggie
Click to MTV so they can teach me how to dougie
'Cause in my castle I'm the freaking man
Oh yes, I said it, I said it
I said it 'cause I can
Today I don't feel like doing anything
I just wanna lay in my bed
Don't feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone
'Cause today I swear I'm not doing anything
Nothing at all, nothing at all
Tomorrow I'll wake up, do some P90X
Find a really nice girl, have some really nice sex
And she's gonna scream out
"This is great"
Yeah, I might mess around
And get my college degree
I bet my old man will be so proud of me
But sorry pops, you'll just have to wait
Oh yes, I said it, I said it
I said it 'cause I can
Today I don't feel like doing anything
I just wanna lay in my bed
Don't feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone
'Cause today I swear I'm not doing anything
No, I ain't gonna comb my hair
'Cause I ain't going anywhere
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
I'll just strut in my birthday suit
And let everything hang loose
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Oh, today I don't feel like doing anything
I just wanna lay in my bed
Don't feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone
'Cause today I swear I'm not doing anything
Nothing at all
Nothing at all
Nothing at all
8-8-8
Oh man, so many of the maidos are no longer working at CK, which is kind of sad cause I really enjoyed getting to make friends with them and knowing them. Sigh. All the best to all of you - Mika, Yami, Momo, Hikari, Yuzuki and Hitomi! Hope you guys will stay happy forever :)
Wow, it's amazing how many things change in a matter of months... I've come to know so many great friends and it's become my one place where I can just sit back and enjoy and relax, talk cock with the maidos and the other regulars there and just have fun. It's kind of sad to see so many of them leaving at the same time, but I guess that's life. It's kind of sad that I won't really have a reason to go there any more other than to catch up with the other regulars now I guess. Well, Kaiko's still working and maybe the newcomer(s) will be just as friendly... but there are people there that do leave a bad impression. Oh well, I guess it's pretty much cutting back from now on.
I made loads of great friends there, I hope we still have a chance to meet up and eat/catch up! :D
--Xiang An at 9:18 PM
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Dying to cry your heart out?
If there's a price for rotten judgement,
I guess I've already won that.
No girl is worth the aggravation
That's ancient history
Been there, done that.
Who d'you think you're kidding?
She's the earth and heaven to ya
Try to keep it hidden
Come on we can see right through ya
Boy you can't conceal it
We know what you're hiding and who you're thinking of!
No chance, no way
I won't say it no, no You swoon, you sigh why deny it? (Oh, oh)
It's too cliche, I won't say I'm in love
I thought my heart had learned its lesson
It feels so good when you start out
My head is screaming "Get a grip, boy"
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out
You keep on denying
Who you are and how you're feeling
Baby, we're not buying
Hon, we saw ya hit the ceiling
Face it like a grown-up
When ya gonna own up
That ya got, got, got it bad
No chance, no way
I won't say it, no, no Give up, give in
Check the grin you're in love
This scene won't play,
I won't say I'm in love You're doin flips read our lips
You're in love
You're way off base
I won't say it
Get off my case
I won't say it
--Xiang An at 11:28 AM
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Communication
It's funny how it's the very core of maintain a relationship, how it can easily make or break the people around you... and how often we ignore it.
I was talking to Jem earlier today and as we talked about stuff that was bothering me recently, I realised just how much it's affected the way I relate to people. Jem believes I'm extroverted by nature although I tend to be quiet, because I would want to be heard. Which is true, I guess. I can be very outspoken around the people I trust and am close to, though in the cell... Well let's just say that the dominance of the girls in conversation kind of leaves me with little chance to speak. (And also, I can't keep up with how fast the topic changes)
He analysed the problem and told me simply it could very well be because I hadn't spent much time talking to people verbally - my parents were pretty much physically absent from my childhood (I know how this sounds, but I attribute no blame in the above statement) because they simply had to work to provide for me, for my education, for my sister. The only interaction I've had was pretty much a computer screen and, in my years in an all guys' school, making snide remarks. I guess the whole relating to people part is something I have to work on. I've been swinging between extremes, from either being too freaking noisy or being to dam quiet (Seriously, people, I'm NOT emo, I just look that way when I'm stoning!)
So let my qualify a few things - I love my family, I do, even if I do grumble that communication sucks at home. No, I am not a permanently emo person, stop assuming! (Seriously, when I say I'm tired, I really am just tired)
Other than that... Hm. So many other thoughts but it's late and I'll leave them for another time. Before I leave, let me leave you with this awesome video:
One day, I will be as awesome as these guys. --Xiang An at 10:49 PM
Tuesday, May 03, 2011
Reasons... Old Wounds...
It sucks when you hate going home as much as you hate waking up for school. Not one can really be distinguished from the other at this point. It's just as unbearable for me to be at home as it is frustrating for me to go to school.
One's suffocating me, the other's draining me dry of energy. The weekends don't feel like days of rest at all and I find myself withdrawing from everyone once again.
"Focus on your studies" seems to be my mom's mantra to everything damned thing that I tell her. While I appreciate her worry and concern it's seriously smothering me when I can't even take a break without her harping on me not studying. And then remember old wounds like the day after I first broke up with A, and because of my mom no less, the only words she could spare for me were to concentrate on my studies from then on. Gee, I'm okay mom, thanks for asking.
Not that I don't appreciate what she's done for me. It's just... becoming tiring to try and be a good Christian son, especially when it seems like I've no one else to turn to. My best friend is in the army, my cell group... The guys are in the army and the girls are all so isolated in their own little worlds I don't even want to try and make myself heard. All that's left for me to use as an outlet is this little corner of cyberspace where I post my thoughts.
I'm sick and tired. I'm drained. Home has become a place for me to eat and sleep and nothing more. I'm not even sure I can call it home at this point. It's so tempting for me to go out with my classmates or just hang out at my comfort place where I have people to talk to and laugh along with, people who strangely, are better listeners than most Christians I meet in church. Is it because they face so much brokenness around them that they understandb better? Possibly. At least, I find that I myself can understand them too probably because in my circle of Christian friends I haven't met many who've been through the same level of brokenness I have.
I remember those winces, those expressions of shock and surprise when I tell some of my Christian friends abotu what I've done before. Although they try not to judge, it's apparent enough they've spent too long in their bubbles that they've forgotten there are broken lives out there.(or maybe it's just because we're in JC and our lives are too well off for us to connect?)
And it bothers me. It bothers me that I find it easier to approach these people than to talk to my Christian friends. That these people are the first to ask me if I'm okay when I post a frustrated status on facebook while my cell group or other friends are so caught up in their own lives and stupid frustrations about things like homework. Like I said, it's nice to live your life in a bubble, isn't it? You don't have to worry about what happens outside because you're safely protected inside it.
I hate this. I hate the status quo.
Because it means people like me who are introverts, who are socially awkward/inept are naturally forgotten. Because it means that it's so much easier to write people off as unfriendly and intimidating than to simply ask them if they're okay and talk to them.
Another shot of whiskey,
Can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time
It's a quarter after one
I'm a little drunk
And I need you now
I said I wouldn't call
But I lost all control
And I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all
It's a quarter
I'm all alone
And I need you now
And I said I wouldn't call
But I'm a little drunk
And I need you now