Wednesday, September 30, 2009
LAN and girls
This post attempts to join 2 subjects people deem to be polar opposites - girls and LAN gaming.
Met up with the guys at 12 today to play LAN at Paradiz. Ironically, the guy who lives the closest came late. That right, Grass? xD
Played L4D, many hilarious moments and just plain laughing out loud at all the weird stuff that randomly occurs when you have zombies trying to kill 4 people. My hunter's fail pouncing today... sigh. Leapt into the middle of survivors after being sidestepped and I... pounced around in circles not managing to hit a single person and ended up dying, plus loads of ridiculous stuff that happened.
Last stage of versus, I started shooting Kai Ye in the safe room and we went at each other until we incapped each other, and I shot him till he was dead. Then ums, you can guess what happened when they opened the safe room door xD The appropriate word to use here is "rape".
We were lamenting once again at the lack of unity in our class to show up for class outings. Understandably, the guys thought that if we were going to play LAN the girls wouldn't be interested, neither would some of the guys. No harm asking them, if you ask me. You never know how crazy (or fun) a CS game turns out once a girl masters the controls, why not?
This is one stereotype worth breaking.
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In an unrelated note, it's kind of amusing how guys have this tendency to treat their female friends as more than friends once they reach this certain part in the friendship where they are comfortable around each other.
It's something I have to learn to deal with myself, to see my female friends as friends or sisters and not candidates as girlfriends or wives. It's a subconscious thing that goes on in every guy's mind.
There is this permanent voice in my head now going, "Dude, watch yourself, do what you would do as a FRIEND, don't try to do anything more!"
Which of course, means that the thoughts that come before are images of "the future"... =P I guess you know what I mean.
I can relate to what Shane meant by taking a step back and just marvel at the awesomeness of the friendships I share with some of my girl friends. Once I do, there's the incentive to not ruin it by acting on a moment's hormonal impulse and do something along the lines of flirting.
I have awesome girl friends, and I do admit I do think that some of them would be great wives to their [future] husbands (good examples being some of the girls in SFC =P), but being friends with them is awesome enough!
And of course, there is this childish hope that God will send a girl that tops all those qualities and more =P Hey, I'm a guy, what'd you expect? hahaha. For now, it's learning to relate to girls that I have to slowly manage.
Random musings...
--Xiang An at 10:22 PM
Sunday, September 27, 2009
If our world was like this...
I like Angels and Airwaves, because the songs they sing are just so awesome. In every song they sing about a world where love is the greatest power, a world where wars and death don't exist, a world where everyone literally loves their neighbour as theirselves. A world where nothing is impossible, and without hatred.
Heaven on earth =) Posting some of the songs I like to share with you guys, hope you guys like it.
If the vocalist sounds familiar, that's cause he's Tom Delonge from Blink 182. He started Angel and Airwaves after Blink disbanded as he wanted to sing more cheerful songs, and he definitely did! =P
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--Xiang An at 10:53 PM
Sometime you just gotta look closer
It's my turn to fly.
It's time to look closer, instead of searching so hard.
--Xiang An at 4:59 PM
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Delirious
lalalalalalalalalalalalala
I love being around you! =)
Give me more lovin' from the very start
Piece me back together when I fall apart
Tell me things you never even tell your closest friends...
Exam stress is turning me crazy - Yes.
My randomness is coming on more than before - Yes.
I need help - No.
I need promos to end soon - Yes.
I need to 35 rank points to live - Yes.
Chance of ever living long enough to find the girl the song is describing - 0%
I'm going to die yet I'm so deliriously happy! =D YAY~ *dananananananananananananana*
>.> I need more sleep! But I don't care, I'm so high right now! LADADADADADADADADA
Note: Look through all posts on this blog and you will never ever find a prior post this crazy.
Promos are stressful? You betcha. Going crazy~ Makes it all the easier when my parents kill me... woohooo.
--Xiang An at 9:49 PM
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Clarity
Ever had one of those questions which you had the answer to, but had to ask anyway? Knowing that God loved us so much He thought it was worth sacrificing His only Son to die for our sins on the cross, yet at times it seems as if the things we're doing don't do justice to that sacrifice.
Here's the funny thing: Nothing we do can bring justice to that sacrifice. Nothing.
What are we Christians then living for? We're not living to repay some debt to God for our redemption. We're living our lives as an act of worship unto Him to thank Him for what He's done.
God could've left things at Jesus dying on the cross for us - and let us decide our own fates after that. But He didn't and He doesn't - He chose to watch over each and every one of us each day of our lives and shower blessings upon us. Tell me, then, what can we do that can even begin to repay what He's done for us?
We can only try our best to develop Christ-likeness in ourselves, and reach out to the lost, do what God commands us in gratitude of that sacrifice. We can only give God our best, cause He deserves nothing less.
Which is why I get so irritated when I see people not giving God the respect He's due - even Christians. Revising for GP when Scripture reading and prayer is going on, is this how we as believers thank God for His grace and mercy?
"The body of Christ collectively becomes the expressions of God's character. All that God wants to reveal of His character is to be seen in the church. When the world looks upon the community of God's people, it should be able to see amongst us, His love, mercy, holiness and goodness.
Are we ourselves as individual members of the bodydoing our part in contributing positively to the character and ministry of Jesus Christ?"
Taken from New Life Kit. We are all an emulation of God, of Jesus' ministry on earth. We cannot achieve this if we don't even show the proper respect for things like morning Scripture reading and prayer.
If we ourselves don't take our own faith seriously, who will then take the Gospel seriously? If we don't live our lives as testimonies of God's character, who will believe that God has the power to transform lives?
If we don't live our lives with God as the first priority, if we let exams become more important than Him, how will we convince others that Jesus is the Way the Truth and the Life?
So my dear readers, what are living for today? Parents? Yourselves? Exams? Or Jesus?
Are you opening the bible as often as your notes? Checking it for messages for God as often as we check our phones for messages from our friends? Speaking to God through prayer as much as we speak to our friends over the phone?
Are you living with God as the Master of your life?
--Xiang An at 3:48 PM
Monday, September 21, 2009
Am I worth Your sacrifice?
You first
surrendered Your divine dwelling place
To walk
on earth and take the path to Calvary
You took my life
And made it new
So now I live to sing
Of Your grace Your majesty
You said whoever believe in You shall see
Your power that overcomes the grave and sets me free
I will rejoice in victory
So now I live to sing
Of Your grace Your majesty
Lord, it's by Your blood
That I can live again
Because You came
I believe
You gave Your life just for me
Now I'm free
Forever I'll give my life
Just to love You and follow You
I believe
I believe
I've been talking about wanting to give my all for You, yet I've failed to fulfil even the simplest of my responsibilities, as a student, as a son, as a friend. So much for being a testimony when my actions undermine my words.
Am I still worthy of being placed in my position of leadership? Have I let Your blessings go to waste? Have I sown the field but not prepared it for rain?
I guess it's no big news that being a Christian isn't being difficult. Let's face it - people hate us just for the fact that we seem to rely on God for everything, the fact that we hold on so dearly to what we believe and are unwilling to compromise on the Word of God, sometimes even by other Christians who have been misled by a lack of proper nurturing, by the lies of the devil.
Yet, I've been so comfortable with the talents God has given me that I haven't really invested them or fully utilised them. What happened to leading worship with my guitar? What happened to glorifying God by doing my best in my studies? What happend to LIVING like Christ did?
I heard a small voice in my head telling me, "It's not hopeless, Xiang An, don't give up. Are you willing to fight your way through the last few days of preparing for promos?" during worship on Sunday, right in service. Right that morning I was telling God I was ready to give up and admit that I'm going to retain.
Yet, today, 2 and a half hours of studying Chem and I was content to stop there. My "break" ended up extending all the way to now. I know it's my worst subject, yet here I am, slacking off.
Lord, am I worth all Your sacrifice?
--Xiang An at 11:29 PM
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Nine
Watched 9 with my family today. It's a really meaningful film, and everyone should watch it. I'm not going to spoil it here, but it's really cool and apt allegory of our world and how we ultimately are the ones who will shape what it becomes.
Memorable Quotes/Scenes [SPOILER alert]:
9 picks up a live bullet from the ground, not knowing what it is and in his curiousity decides to smack it on the ground when 2 stops him and says, "Some things are best left where they lie."
2,5,6 and 8 have had their souls sucked into the Brain, the movie's equivalent of SKYNET in Terminator (well, 9 is basically Wall.E meets Terminator...). 1,3, 4 and 7 want to destroy the Machine to save everyone but 9 refuses and says, "There's still hope.", although the Machine is much bigger and more powerful than they are.
This was the scene that got me. How many of our friends are living without Christ, their souls trapped in the machine of this world, of the devil's lies? How many of us as Christians would choose to destroy that machine, taking the easy way out rather than choose the harder way, the path to save them?
How many of us, in our own fear and insecurity, would rather see them destroyed than admit we can do something to save them, although it's going to be difficult?
--Xiang An at 11:37 PM
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Fighting too many battles.
6 days, it's been 6 days of a hard fought battle but now I've been defeated. Lord, won't You come and renew my strength, my wilpower? I don't want to be caught dead in this rut, in this continuous cycle of sin. I want to move out of it. I don't want to rationalise it by saying, "6 days, that's new record." I want to break free of this stupid thing.
I guess you could say I brought it on myself, I had things to do, yet I threw them aside. There were things I should have been doing that would've given me no chance to give in to the temptation, yet I chose not to do what was right.
I'm not going to turn emo, I am going to get out of this rut and fight my way out. It's never easy but faith makes things possible.
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Something stupid happened in ME today that's driving me utterly paranoid. I'm arguing in circles in my head, jumping from rationality to irrationality. All from one single comment. Or rather, two.
Sigh, maybe it's the enemy confusing me, maybe it's the influence of way too many movies that make the most extreme and craziest situations seem utterly possible to my mind. Either way, I'm going nuts if I dwell on this thing any longer. I'm only glad that I'm so tired now I just want to sleep.
I need to calm this stupid debate going on in my mind. It's so stupid, I burst out laughing while debating with myself. Yes, Xiang An is going nuts. There are like 3 people in my head now - "paranoid" Xiang An, rational Xiang An and the joker Xiang An that's laughing at the first 2 thrash out this issue. Sigh...
Not a good thing to be having 6 days before promos.... :(
--Xiang An at 10:48 PM
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Laughing on the car.
Sent Pearl home after SFC meeting today... Car ride was hilarious, but only AFTER she got off. My dad went to pick my mom up first, cause she was eating with her colleagues.
Auntie Jacquelin was waiting with her, and when she saw Pearl, she asked me mom, "You hired maid again ah?" xD My mom had to explain Pearl was my classmate, not a maid! I realised that in the dark and with the way Pearl ties her hair with the scrunchy she kind of looks like a maid... hahaha
So after Pearl dropped off, my mom immediately turned to my dad and asked, "How many times have you sent this girl home?" "2." "This is the second time?" And yup, you guessed it, she turned to me and ask, "Your GIRLFRIEND ah?"
Me: *groans loudly* "Mom! Not every girl who tompang car ride home is my girlfriend!"
Mom: "Send her back twice already. Send her back a few more times can be your girlfriend already lo."
*facepalms*
Epic thing was, my dad was like "At least more convenient than that time send the other girl to AMK." (Celine, after she came to my church for Easter performance)
Mom: "That one send back home once, this one twice... See?"
*considers throwing myself out of car*
Mom: "She quite okay what... Call me the moment I get on the car, some more quite sweet also."
*Shrinks into car seat*
Mom: "At least from what I saw she look quite pretty also, not like your ex, last time see her the hair so funny one, some more dress until so keenarh (kiddy)."
*Looks up at God and mouths, "Why, God, why?"*
Dad: "From what I heard from the conversation, she quite sampak (crazy) also."
Mom: "Eh, none of the women in the house are like that, we all loud loud one, you must like this kind of girl right? Some more her voice quite sweet."
Dad: "She also seem like the kind of girl that dai ren (something) shi one."
Mom: "Of course what, must counterbalance our son's bad traits.. Wapiang."
*Sticks head out car window waiting for truck to come sideswipe it off*
So, in summary, Waki destroyed me, then Pearl, then my parents. Total death count today: 4.
--Xiang An at 9:03 PM
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Epic Murder
Waki has epic murder skills, as demonstrated when we went for Udders ice cream/IKEA dinner. Yes, we had desert BEFORE dinner.
At Udders, we were going to make Waki laugh while eating her ice cream, so Jem asked her, "Am I hot?" and Waki turned away and attempted to keep her ice cream in her mouth while laughing. Jem was totally destroyed, "so I'm not hot lah?"
Murder no. 2: Kelvin told the mentors that there was no SFC tomorrow. Waki replied, "Celine wants to meet SFC, but Kelvin not invited." Jem's reply - "So I'm not hot, and Kelvin's not needed. Waki..."
At IKEA, Waki totally killed Jem again. Jem was super determined to get Waki to say that he was hot, so he asked her again, "Waki, am I hot?" Her reply was EPIC. "Do you have a fever? If you do, then you're hot!"
Jem fell in awe at her skill. "Oh my gosh, normal people don't reply like this." He asked Rachel and Loo Yee the same thing, and me as well. My reply? "Relative to what?" Jem told me, "the world". I was going to reply, "Nope, cause I'm hotter than you and I AM the world." xD but Waki interfered and broke my combo. Sigh.
Murder no. 4:
Kelvin and Matthew were shopping at IKEA for stuff. LooYee said the two of them are like a couple shopping, the girls all laughed. What does this have to do with Waki? She added the comment, "Imagine Kelvin with long hair!" (Sadly, Loo Yee and her were actually imagining it and bursting into laughter...)
Murder 5:
Jem was sitting on this chair with the price label hanging behind ($139). Waki looked at the chair and said "So cheap." And by looking at the chair, she was looking at Jem as well. *Bish*
Disturbing comment:
We were on the car to Udder's. Waki spots bus 5 which goes to her home. "Hey! I can USE the bus to go home!" She said USE the bus, not TAKE the bus. Oh my gosh. Matthew demonstrated it at dinner, miming a bus explosion. xD
Revenge Shot by Matthew:
"Hey Waki, I can send you back to Bedok" *Waki's face lights up and nods her head fervently* "In your dreams!"
--Xiang An at 10:36 PM
Monday, September 14, 2009
Supression
I'm amazed I managed to go through today without pissing anyone off. Was dead tired and extremely irritable for some reason, though I managed to hold myself back from saying anything I would regret. A VERY close call in the morning though, with boss. (Sigh, what can I say? Being tired and grumpy does little to improve my willpower.)
Things sort of got better through the day, with the laughs that I shared with the class and SFC =P
Although now I'm back to a super grumpy mood. Why? Cause I decided to take a break from studying today, and played Kingdom Under Fire: Heroes again, continuing on my level 51 Leinhart, after finally getting to the LAST MISSION of his campaign, I decided to stop and QUIT WITHOUT SAVING THE DARN GAME.
FML! 4 hours of hard work gone down the drain. Sigh.
Oh well, it's a chance to fix some stupid mistakes I made along the way I guess, but I'm not going to touch it anymore until I've caught up with my Chem (probably till this weekend).
And a new sense of peace, a new found purpose has been in my heart lately ever since the baptism of the Holy Spirit yesterday. For some reason the temptations that I usually find myself succumbing to I manage to turn away from. It's like getting Ebbard's flame skill to level 25 and suddenly Kaleidoflamma kills like half of the infantry units you're fighting. (Haha, KUF analogy, forgive me)
And there's just so many things that are motivating me right now - the prospect of possibly convincing my parents upgrade the computer so I can play AC2; a new guitar or perhaps a new laptop from my aunt, the new iPhone I'm getting this month. With so many blessings to look forward to I suddenly feel like this last segment of battle seems all the more worth it, everything just seems to be so much more encouraging.
I guess it's just true that when you start taking that extra step to honour God, He chooses to shower more blessings upon you at the same time as well. =)
God bless you guys!
--Xiang An at 8:28 PM
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Bearing our crosses
Pastor Andy played this video for the JC/poly section today, and it really struck a note deep within me. I took a good long look within me, and asked myself if I've really been giving my all for God - bearing my crosses and dying to self.
The sad truth is, I haven't. Or at least, there are way too many areas I can improve on. Yet therein also lies the beauty of my situation. There's just so much for God to work on in my life, and hopefully, through my own change and moulding to become a better person, I can spur on those around me to do the same as well.
Chee keong posted this on her blog: My Ugly Blind Spot
I realise sometimes when people level criticism at me I tend to get defensive, yet in the past few weeks I find myself humbling myself more and more; find myself no longer indulging in my self-righteous thoughts but taking a step back to reflect on my behaviour and faults. Although there were times when I felt someone was taking the chance to insult me, I appreciated the brutal honesty all the same.
Yet sometimes I wonder why people can no longer accept an honest reproach. Although I know I come off condescending at times, there are times when I am sincere in what I say and still rejected. What happened to people being honest? Have we as people become too "nice" for our own good? I believe that loving someone means destroying their pride if you have to; that you are willing to hurt them if it helps them improve, just like how God lets us go through the downs in our lives, no matter how much it hurts Him as well to see us upset.
I guess it takes a lot of wisdom and discernment to know when to close an eye and when to speak out and reproach those around us; yet sometimes it seems people can no longer accept brutal honesty and wounds to their ego.
Being Christlike means we do our best and strive to correct ourselves, even if it means sometimes we have to listen to criticism that hurts. Then again, God regards pridefulness as a sin, so I guess dying to that is another thing we all have to do as well.
I believe that when everyone gives their best for the cause of God's kingdom, while we will be persecuted, we will see lives impacted, we will see miracles big and small coming to pass. Of course, that also means that each day we take up our crosses and die to ourselves. But that's what being a disciple of Jesus is about; not just about having abundant blessings in our lives, but to cheerfully abandon those blessings, give it all up for God.
I'm still praying about the "call" to full-time ministry.(I'm putting this in quotations from now as I'm seeking confirmation). While it is a way of serving God with all I have, there are other ways. Yet the powerful stirring in my heart today was just too real to be ignored - to give my best, to give everything up to advance God's kingdom; and to do so cheerfully.
Another video spoke of how through our "deaths" we give life to others - so I can only pray that God prepares me for what He is going to use me to do, and prepare myself for the ride. Any task big or small He entrusts to me, it's my commitment to do it the best of my ability.
Another milestone in my spiritual today - being baptised in the Holy Spirit during WTTTF. A powerful experience, and a few girls cried. I didn't, personally I think the whole "I'm not longer able to cry" thing is getting just a tad too true. It's just awesome to see fellow Christians desiring for God so much.
So I hope that this post will inspire you all - to not avoid pain but embrace it; not to avoid the cross but to bear it. So that we all truly become perfect works of God.
--Xiang An at 10:18 PM
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Kingdom of Heaven
Rewatched Kingdom of Heaven for some reason. These quotes stood out.
Hospitaller: I put no stock in religion. By the word religion I have seen the lunacy of fanatics of every denomination be called the will of God. I have seen too much religion in the eyes of too many murderers. Holiness is in right action, and courage on behalf of those who cannot defend themselves, and goodness. What God desires is here
[points to head]
Hospitaller: and here
[points to heart]
Hospitaller: and what you decide to do every day, you will be a good man - or not.
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King Baldwin IV: A King may move a man, a father may claim a son, but remember that even when those who move you be Kings, or men of power, your soul is in your keeping alone. When you stand before God, you cannot say, "But I was told by others to do thus." Or that, "Virtue was not convenient at the time." This will not suffice. Remember that.
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Balian of Ibelin: We defend this city, not to protect these stones, but the people living within these walls.
The first two are pretty self-explanatory, but the third one is really meaningful. We as Christians aren't called to be in church, we're not called to worship in buildings alone. It's about each individual, every last one of us, each member of the body of Christ coming together and supporting each other.
Perhaps it's time to stop referring to the church as a physical building made of bricks, but the community, the body of Christ that lives for Him.
--Xiang An at 9:32 PM
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
wtfreak.
Most Awesome Foam Gun Ever
OH MY SON.
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Can't Let Go - IGNYTE
Verse 1:
God your unfailing love
Holds me by the hand
You never let go of me
No matter how far I've ran
God You knew my name
Before I came to be
And You long for me
Just to stay in Your arms
So I want to sing
Ohh
Chorus:
It's Your love, that I'm holding on to
It's Your face, that I look upon
It's Your strength, that I can lean on
I won't let go of You
In my trials, I will praise You
In my fears, it's You I will run to
I will sing of how You have loved me
Lord I can't let go of You
Verse 2:
Jesus You gave Your life
As ransom for my sins
You willingly paid the price
Of shame and suffering
Now Christ has set me free
I know where I’ll be
Standing in Your courts
Lifting up my hands
Praising with this song
Ohh
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I'm so glad I have the Big Guy Upstairs to watch over me and guide me when I don't know what the hell to do in life. =P
This period is a difficult one and it will be a tough fight but I'm praying that God will see me through this period... Things will be tough and the days will be tiring, I can't exhaust my strength, I can't slack off now! Gambatte, Xiang An! And to anyone else that's feeling tired and stressed out too. God is with you, He's watching over you =)
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Sigh, I guess I can't celibate myself from Stephanie. I'll have to touch her and practise for worship during SFC next week. No more than an hour, and no distractions! Especially not to play other songs! Rar.
--Xiang An at 9:00 PM
Monday, September 07, 2009
Xiang An needs endorphine injections
Bleargh, trying to make amends is difficult, trying to repair relationships when the misunderstandings is so great. It's been a greatly humbling experience, talking things out and I'm thankful for the brutal honesty.
I guess in the long run I can only hope God can work in this mess and make it better. I know that some of my choices to dedicate more time and energy to certain areas of my life have had their consequences. I'm just thankful there's still time to make amends, and I believe God has the power to heal all this brokenness.
Perhaps at times people think I'm trying to be holy or something, well, no I'm not. I strive to be, and each day is a journey of discovery and moulding; of getting in know God more and finding out more about my identity in Him. So that one day I can make that claim that God has done His work and tempered me into His perfect masterpiece.
So each day I pray that I may treat each and every thing that comes up with grace and love, maintain my hope in the darkest situations and of course, to keep up my strength for the battles ahead. Cause seriously, promos and WR/INR? God knows I'm almost taking that step off the ledge if anymore work piles up, like the Persian infantry gets pushed off the cliff by the Spartans in 300.
Sadded.
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I'm sorry, Stephanie, but this is a vow of celibacy to never touch you again for the next 4 weeks =(
--Xiang An at 8:09 PM
Sunday, September 06, 2009
Differences of opinion
I'm not going to keep what I originally posted, because it's so much easier to admit it's your fault and change then to convince others they need to change themselves. That convincing is up to God to do and not me.
I'm just thankful God has shown me the way ahead. I'm not going to like it but I'm cheerful about! Sounds a bit weird but yeah, no matter what happens I choose to praise God. Even if some people see it as folly. I guess it bugs me that at times fellow Christians seem to think what I believe is totally crazy.
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Praise Him - IGNYTE
When I think of what He's done for me
When I think of all He's given to me
When I hear of the power of His name
Then I know He's worthy to be praised
Lift up your hands, all you peoples
Lift up your hands to the Risen One
Lift up your hands and sing with all your might
Praise Him
Praise Him for God is with us
Praise Him for all He is today
Praise Him, praise Him
Never be ashamed, praise Him!
There's a stirring in this place
There's a generation bearing Your name
There's an anthem rising hear the sound of praise
There's a need for us to shout out His praise
Lift up your hands, all you peoples
Lift up your hands to the Risen One
Lift up your hands and sing with all your might
Praise Him
Praise Him for God is with us
Praise Him for all He is today
Praise Him, praise Him
Never be ashamed, praise Him!
Lord there's none like who You are
Nothing that compares to You
Lord there's none like who You are
Nothing that compares to You
Lord there's none like who You are
Nothing that compares to You
Lord there's none like who You are
And that's why we praise You
Praise Him for God is with us
Praise Him for all He is today
Praise Him, praise Him
Never be ashamed, praise Him!
--Xiang An at 8:04 PM
Friday, September 04, 2009
4ONE!
4ONE was awesome, a time where we can all gather as ONE united body of Christ to praise and worship, singing 4ONE God.
Pastor Darrick made a call for those whom God has called to full-time ministry. I could hear a small voice agreeing to that call, but I held myself back, wondering if it was God telling me to do so or just some part of me trying to deceive myself.
I was also concerned as I only joined Trinity this year, and full-time ministry is a large step that I, as someone young in the faith, has to seriously consider before I make that decision. On one hand, it seems rushed, I still see myself as having a lot more maturing in faith to do before I feel I'm ready to even try serving as a leader in church.
But full-time? If it is God's calling for me, I'd go for it, but I think there's still a lot of moulding for me to go through before taking that step. I prayed during that call, for God to really give me that confirmation. I told Him I thought I wasn't ready and there was just so much more I had to work on before I was ready to take that step.
"Just trust Me, I will mould you and make you ready for the plans and purpose I have for you." He told me. I guess it's still too early to make the call, but I definitely intend to talk to my leaders about it and ponder it more closely. In the meantime, there's still much room for improvement in my spiritual walk, so that's where I'll start I guess.
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One God.mp3 - IGNYTE Worship Team
One God - IGNYTE
Verse:
Nothing can stop us
from singing out Your praised
You have surpassed
All that we have prayed
Jesus You lead us
Each victory till the end
In every battle
United we will stand
Pre-chorus:
We lay aside all our differences
Our treasures here on earth
So unify us, cos we have
Chorus:
One faith, one hope, one God
One body, one spirit, one Father of all
One declaration for the whole world to see
That through it all, you're our God
[chant]One faith, one hope, one body, one God
So we will worship with one heart
So we will worship with one voice
We will worship for one King
We will worship for one God [repeat]
This song was written by one of our youths from IGNYTE, and inspired from Ephesians 4:4-6 ->
There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when you were called— one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.
I think it basically sums up what all the Christians are called to be, and I hope this will really be the ultimate goal of the Christian body in SAJC, that we all unify in praise and step forward for our faith.
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All I want.mp3 - IGNYTE Worship Team
All I Want - IGNYTE
The world paints shades of grey
but in You I must remain
Walking in the light,
That Your word shines so bright
Pre-chorus:
The choices I make
The road I will take
Lord pave the way
Everday
Chorus:
I wanna shout out loud
"Jesus Christ is Lord"
Live it out with each step that
You're all I want
You're all I'm living for
Live for You
in all I do
For I know Your word is true
You're all I want
Cos all I need is you
I live for You
Verse 2:
On the cross You died,
Now there is freedom there is life
For all that You have done,
The victory has been won
Bridge:
Everyday
In every way
Reveal Your purpose in me
Everyday
In every way
Reveal Your heartbeat
No more compromise, no more wondering how others will view my beliefs. In You I must remain.
-----
--Xiang An at 11:28 PM
Thursday, September 03, 2009
Singleness, Celibacy
A Season of Celibacy
Part 2
Took this off chee keong's blog.
Heh, guess I only had to be patient for God to point me to the answer to my prayers. Who needs a girl to feel loved? I know God loves me more than anyone else ever could.
This time in my life is the season to mould myself into a true living sacrifice for God. This is the season where I embrace His will and reach out to those around me, and I don't need to be "the guy with the girl" to let God work through me. I don't have to be attached to feel loved, or to love.
God has a plan, and whether it involves me or not it's time for me to start listening to what He's saying to me and serve Him with all my heart, not to be distracted by the unimportant things.
It's kind of funny really, I've been treating the whole situation like a joke, and my emo-ness has mostly gone. I guess right now the best thing to do is just focus on my studies. (So, Xiang An, why are you still blogging?!)
-----
Okay, one last distraction: OMGOSH ASSASSIN'S CREED 2! THIS SEEMS SO MUCH BETTER THAN ONE IN MANY ASPECTS.
1. Ezio wears a freaking cape. That alone makes him better than Altair.
2. Ezio does not react to taunts (watch video for what I mean)
3. Ezio has a freaking PISTOL along with his hidden blade to assassinate people.
4. He's freaking killing people in VENICE, jumping on and off GONDOLAS.
--Xiang An at 5:53 PM
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
Time Bomb
I've got so many frustrations I want to vent, but I don't want to vent them out on my blog. No point posting about the very people who read your blog and they get the wrong impression of your perspective. Humans agree to disagree.
I need someone to talk to about all this crap, but it seems like everyone is busy with their own commitments and I can't expect them to drop it down just cause I'm feeling stressed and need to talk.
Sometimes I wonder how some people seem to go through life as if frustrations simply bounced off them.
If I don't let off some steam, I might just bring an actual gun to school and kill people. (Kidding.) Why did the school cancel our stress relieving day?
--Xiang An at 8:10 PM
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
Schizo
Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to go it on their own
Everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Where are the people that care?
-----
=P
I think this song nicely describes the situation I'm in and how I feel right now. The whole she's not going to be mine thing, put some nice energetic and a really cheerful tune behind it all and voila!
--Xiang An at 6:12 PM
LAN and girls
This post attempts to join 2 subjects people deem to be polar opposites - girls and LAN gaming.
Met up with the guys at 12 today to play LAN at Paradiz. Ironically, the guy who lives the closest came late. That right, Grass? xD
Played L4D, many hilarious moments and just plain laughing out loud at all the weird stuff that randomly occurs when you have zombies trying to kill 4 people. My hunter's fail pouncing today... sigh. Leapt into the middle of survivors after being sidestepped and I... pounced around in circles not managing to hit a single person and ended up dying, plus loads of ridiculous stuff that happened.
Last stage of versus, I started shooting Kai Ye in the safe room and we went at each other until we incapped each other, and I shot him till he was dead. Then ums, you can guess what happened when they opened the safe room door xD The appropriate word to use here is "rape".
We were lamenting once again at the lack of unity in our class to show up for class outings. Understandably, the guys thought that if we were going to play LAN the girls wouldn't be interested, neither would some of the guys. No harm asking them, if you ask me. You never know how crazy (or fun) a CS game turns out once a girl masters the controls, why not?
This is one stereotype worth breaking.
-----
In an unrelated note, it's kind of amusing how guys have this tendency to treat their female friends as more than friends once they reach this certain part in the friendship where they are comfortable around each other.
It's something I have to learn to deal with myself, to see my female friends as friends or sisters and not candidates as girlfriends or wives. It's a subconscious thing that goes on in every guy's mind.
There is this permanent voice in my head now going, "Dude, watch yourself, do what you would do as a FRIEND, don't try to do anything more!"
Which of course, means that the thoughts that come before are images of "the future"... =P I guess you know what I mean.
I can relate to what Shane meant by taking a step back and just marvel at the awesomeness of the friendships I share with some of my girl friends. Once I do, there's the incentive to not ruin it by acting on a moment's hormonal impulse and do something along the lines of flirting.
I have awesome girl friends, and I do admit I do think that some of them would be great wives to their [future] husbands (good examples being some of the girls in SFC =P), but being friends with them is awesome enough!
And of course, there is this childish hope that God will send a girl that tops all those qualities and more =P Hey, I'm a guy, what'd you expect? hahaha. For now, it's learning to relate to girls that I have to slowly manage.
Random musings...
--Xiang An at 10:22 PM
Sunday, September 27, 2009
If our world was like this...
I like Angels and Airwaves, because the songs they sing are just so awesome. In every song they sing about a world where love is the greatest power, a world where wars and death don't exist, a world where everyone literally loves their neighbour as theirselves. A world where nothing is impossible, and without hatred.
Heaven on earth =) Posting some of the songs I like to share with you guys, hope you guys like it.
If the vocalist sounds familiar, that's cause he's Tom Delonge from Blink 182. He started Angel and Airwaves after Blink disbanded as he wanted to sing more cheerful songs, and he definitely did! =P
-----
--Xiang An at 10:53 PM
Sometime you just gotta look closer
It's my turn to fly.
It's time to look closer, instead of searching so hard.
--Xiang An at 4:59 PM
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Delirious
lalalalalalalalalalalalala
I love being around you! =)
Give me more lovin' from the very start
Piece me back together when I fall apart
Tell me things you never even tell your closest friends...
Exam stress is turning me crazy - Yes.
My randomness is coming on more than before - Yes.
I need help - No.
I need promos to end soon - Yes.
I need to 35 rank points to live - Yes.
Chance of ever living long enough to find the girl the song is describing - 0%
I'm going to die yet I'm so deliriously happy! =D YAY~ *dananananananananananananana*
>.> I need more sleep! But I don't care, I'm so high right now! LADADADADADADADADA
Note: Look through all posts on this blog and you will never ever find a prior post this crazy.
Promos are stressful? You betcha. Going crazy~ Makes it all the easier when my parents kill me... woohooo.
--Xiang An at 9:49 PM
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Clarity
Ever had one of those questions which you had the answer to, but had to ask anyway? Knowing that God loved us so much He thought it was worth sacrificing His only Son to die for our sins on the cross, yet at times it seems as if the things we're doing don't do justice to that sacrifice.
Here's the funny thing: Nothing we do can bring justice to that sacrifice. Nothing.
What are we Christians then living for? We're not living to repay some debt to God for our redemption. We're living our lives as an act of worship unto Him to thank Him for what He's done.
God could've left things at Jesus dying on the cross for us - and let us decide our own fates after that. But He didn't and He doesn't - He chose to watch over each and every one of us each day of our lives and shower blessings upon us. Tell me, then, what can we do that can even begin to repay what He's done for us?
We can only try our best to develop Christ-likeness in ourselves, and reach out to the lost, do what God commands us in gratitude of that sacrifice. We can only give God our best, cause He deserves nothing less.
Which is why I get so irritated when I see people not giving God the respect He's due - even Christians. Revising for GP when Scripture reading and prayer is going on, is this how we as believers thank God for His grace and mercy?
"The body of Christ collectively becomes the expressions of God's character. All that God wants to reveal of His character is to be seen in the church. When the world looks upon the community of God's people, it should be able to see amongst us, His love, mercy, holiness and goodness.
Are we ourselves as individual members of the bodydoing our part in contributing positively to the character and ministry of Jesus Christ?"
Taken from New Life Kit. We are all an emulation of God, of Jesus' ministry on earth. We cannot achieve this if we don't even show the proper respect for things like morning Scripture reading and prayer.
If we ourselves don't take our own faith seriously, who will then take the Gospel seriously? If we don't live our lives as testimonies of God's character, who will believe that God has the power to transform lives?
If we don't live our lives with God as the first priority, if we let exams become more important than Him, how will we convince others that Jesus is the Way the Truth and the Life?
So my dear readers, what are living for today? Parents? Yourselves? Exams? Or Jesus?
Are you opening the bible as often as your notes? Checking it for messages for God as often as we check our phones for messages from our friends? Speaking to God through prayer as much as we speak to our friends over the phone?
Are you living with God as the Master of your life?
--Xiang An at 3:48 PM
Monday, September 21, 2009
Am I worth Your sacrifice?
surrendered Your divine dwelling place
To walk
on earth and take the path to Calvary
You took my life
And made it new
So now I live to sing
Of Your grace Your majesty
You said whoever believe in You shall see
Your power that overcomes the grave and sets me free
I will rejoice in victory
So now I live to sing
Of Your grace Your majesty
Lord, it's by Your blood
That I can live again
Because You came
I believe
You gave Your life just for me
Now I'm free
Forever I'll give my life
Just to love You and follow You
I believe
I believe
I've been talking about wanting to give my all for You, yet I've failed to fulfil even the simplest of my responsibilities, as a student, as a son, as a friend. So much for being a testimony when my actions undermine my words.
Am I still worthy of being placed in my position of leadership? Have I let Your blessings go to waste? Have I sown the field but not prepared it for rain?
I guess it's no big news that being a Christian isn't being difficult. Let's face it - people hate us just for the fact that we seem to rely on God for everything, the fact that we hold on so dearly to what we believe and are unwilling to compromise on the Word of God, sometimes even by other Christians who have been misled by a lack of proper nurturing, by the lies of the devil.
Yet, I've been so comfortable with the talents God has given me that I haven't really invested them or fully utilised them. What happened to leading worship with my guitar? What happened to glorifying God by doing my best in my studies? What happend to LIVING like Christ did?
I heard a small voice in my head telling me, "It's not hopeless, Xiang An, don't give up. Are you willing to fight your way through the last few days of preparing for promos?" during worship on Sunday, right in service. Right that morning I was telling God I was ready to give up and admit that I'm going to retain.
Yet, today, 2 and a half hours of studying Chem and I was content to stop there. My "break" ended up extending all the way to now. I know it's my worst subject, yet here I am, slacking off.
Lord, am I worth all Your sacrifice?
--Xiang An at 11:29 PM
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Nine
Watched 9 with my family today. It's a really meaningful film, and everyone should watch it. I'm not going to spoil it here, but it's really cool and apt allegory of our world and how we ultimately are the ones who will shape what it becomes.
Memorable Quotes/Scenes [SPOILER alert]:
9 picks up a live bullet from the ground, not knowing what it is and in his curiousity decides to smack it on the ground when 2 stops him and says, "Some things are best left where they lie."
2,5,6 and 8 have had their souls sucked into the Brain, the movie's equivalent of SKYNET in Terminator (well, 9 is basically Wall.E meets Terminator...). 1,3, 4 and 7 want to destroy the Machine to save everyone but 9 refuses and says, "There's still hope.", although the Machine is much bigger and more powerful than they are.
This was the scene that got me. How many of our friends are living without Christ, their souls trapped in the machine of this world, of the devil's lies? How many of us as Christians would choose to destroy that machine, taking the easy way out rather than choose the harder way, the path to save them?
How many of us, in our own fear and insecurity, would rather see them destroyed than admit we can do something to save them, although it's going to be difficult?
--Xiang An at 11:37 PM
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Fighting too many battles.
6 days, it's been 6 days of a hard fought battle but now I've been defeated. Lord, won't You come and renew my strength, my wilpower? I don't want to be caught dead in this rut, in this continuous cycle of sin. I want to move out of it. I don't want to rationalise it by saying, "6 days, that's new record." I want to break free of this stupid thing.
I guess you could say I brought it on myself, I had things to do, yet I threw them aside. There were things I should have been doing that would've given me no chance to give in to the temptation, yet I chose not to do what was right.
I'm not going to turn emo, I am going to get out of this rut and fight my way out. It's never easy but faith makes things possible.
-----
Something stupid happened in ME today that's driving me utterly paranoid. I'm arguing in circles in my head, jumping from rationality to irrationality. All from one single comment. Or rather, two.
Sigh, maybe it's the enemy confusing me, maybe it's the influence of way too many movies that make the most extreme and craziest situations seem utterly possible to my mind. Either way, I'm going nuts if I dwell on this thing any longer. I'm only glad that I'm so tired now I just want to sleep.
I need to calm this stupid debate going on in my mind. It's so stupid, I burst out laughing while debating with myself. Yes, Xiang An is going nuts. There are like 3 people in my head now - "paranoid" Xiang An, rational Xiang An and the joker Xiang An that's laughing at the first 2 thrash out this issue. Sigh...
Not a good thing to be having 6 days before promos.... :(
--Xiang An at 10:48 PM
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Laughing on the car.
Sent Pearl home after SFC meeting today... Car ride was hilarious, but only AFTER she got off. My dad went to pick my mom up first, cause she was eating with her colleagues.
Auntie Jacquelin was waiting with her, and when she saw Pearl, she asked me mom, "You hired maid again ah?" xD My mom had to explain Pearl was my classmate, not a maid! I realised that in the dark and with the way Pearl ties her hair with the scrunchy she kind of looks like a maid... hahaha
So after Pearl dropped off, my mom immediately turned to my dad and asked, "How many times have you sent this girl home?" "2." "This is the second time?" And yup, you guessed it, she turned to me and ask, "Your GIRLFRIEND ah?"
Me: *groans loudly* "Mom! Not every girl who tompang car ride home is my girlfriend!"
Mom: "Send her back twice already. Send her back a few more times can be your girlfriend already lo."
*facepalms*
Epic thing was, my dad was like "At least more convenient than that time send the other girl to AMK." (Celine, after she came to my church for Easter performance)
Mom: "That one send back home once, this one twice... See?"
*considers throwing myself out of car*
Mom: "She quite okay what... Call me the moment I get on the car, some more quite sweet also."
*Shrinks into car seat*
Mom: "At least from what I saw she look quite pretty also, not like your ex, last time see her the hair so funny one, some more dress until so keenarh (kiddy)."
*Looks up at God and mouths, "Why, God, why?"*
Dad: "From what I heard from the conversation, she quite sampak (crazy) also."
Mom: "Eh, none of the women in the house are like that, we all loud loud one, you must like this kind of girl right? Some more her voice quite sweet."
Dad: "She also seem like the kind of girl that dai ren (something) shi one."
Mom: "Of course what, must counterbalance our son's bad traits.. Wapiang."
*Sticks head out car window waiting for truck to come sideswipe it off*
So, in summary, Waki destroyed me, then Pearl, then my parents. Total death count today: 4.
--Xiang An at 9:03 PM
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Epic Murder
Waki has epic murder skills, as demonstrated when we went for Udders ice cream/IKEA dinner. Yes, we had desert BEFORE dinner.
At Udders, we were going to make Waki laugh while eating her ice cream, so Jem asked her, "Am I hot?" and Waki turned away and attempted to keep her ice cream in her mouth while laughing. Jem was totally destroyed, "so I'm not hot lah?"
Murder no. 2: Kelvin told the mentors that there was no SFC tomorrow. Waki replied, "Celine wants to meet SFC, but Kelvin not invited." Jem's reply - "So I'm not hot, and Kelvin's not needed. Waki..."
At IKEA, Waki totally killed Jem again. Jem was super determined to get Waki to say that he was hot, so he asked her again, "Waki, am I hot?" Her reply was EPIC. "Do you have a fever? If you do, then you're hot!"
Jem fell in awe at her skill. "Oh my gosh, normal people don't reply like this." He asked Rachel and Loo Yee the same thing, and me as well. My reply? "Relative to what?" Jem told me, "the world". I was going to reply, "Nope, cause I'm hotter than you and I AM the world." xD but Waki interfered and broke my combo. Sigh.
Murder no. 4:
Kelvin and Matthew were shopping at IKEA for stuff. LooYee said the two of them are like a couple shopping, the girls all laughed. What does this have to do with Waki? She added the comment, "Imagine Kelvin with long hair!" (Sadly, Loo Yee and her were actually imagining it and bursting into laughter...)
Murder 5:
Jem was sitting on this chair with the price label hanging behind ($139). Waki looked at the chair and said "So cheap." And by looking at the chair, she was looking at Jem as well. *Bish*
Disturbing comment:
We were on the car to Udder's. Waki spots bus 5 which goes to her home. "Hey! I can USE the bus to go home!" She said USE the bus, not TAKE the bus. Oh my gosh. Matthew demonstrated it at dinner, miming a bus explosion. xD
Revenge Shot by Matthew:
"Hey Waki, I can send you back to Bedok" *Waki's face lights up and nods her head fervently* "In your dreams!"
--Xiang An at 10:36 PM
Monday, September 14, 2009
Supression
I'm amazed I managed to go through today without pissing anyone off. Was dead tired and extremely irritable for some reason, though I managed to hold myself back from saying anything I would regret. A VERY close call in the morning though, with boss. (Sigh, what can I say? Being tired and grumpy does little to improve my willpower.)
Things sort of got better through the day, with the laughs that I shared with the class and SFC =P
Although now I'm back to a super grumpy mood. Why? Cause I decided to take a break from studying today, and played Kingdom Under Fire: Heroes again, continuing on my level 51 Leinhart, after finally getting to the LAST MISSION of his campaign, I decided to stop and QUIT WITHOUT SAVING THE DARN GAME.
FML! 4 hours of hard work gone down the drain. Sigh.
Oh well, it's a chance to fix some stupid mistakes I made along the way I guess, but I'm not going to touch it anymore until I've caught up with my Chem (probably till this weekend).
And a new sense of peace, a new found purpose has been in my heart lately ever since the baptism of the Holy Spirit yesterday. For some reason the temptations that I usually find myself succumbing to I manage to turn away from. It's like getting Ebbard's flame skill to level 25 and suddenly Kaleidoflamma kills like half of the infantry units you're fighting. (Haha, KUF analogy, forgive me)
And there's just so many things that are motivating me right now - the prospect of possibly convincing my parents upgrade the computer so I can play AC2; a new guitar or perhaps a new laptop from my aunt, the new iPhone I'm getting this month. With so many blessings to look forward to I suddenly feel like this last segment of battle seems all the more worth it, everything just seems to be so much more encouraging.
I guess it's just true that when you start taking that extra step to honour God, He chooses to shower more blessings upon you at the same time as well. =)
God bless you guys!
--Xiang An at 8:28 PM
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Bearing our crosses
Pastor Andy played this video for the JC/poly section today, and it really struck a note deep within me. I took a good long look within me, and asked myself if I've really been giving my all for God - bearing my crosses and dying to self.
The sad truth is, I haven't. Or at least, there are way too many areas I can improve on. Yet therein also lies the beauty of my situation. There's just so much for God to work on in my life, and hopefully, through my own change and moulding to become a better person, I can spur on those around me to do the same as well.
Chee keong posted this on her blog: My Ugly Blind Spot
I realise sometimes when people level criticism at me I tend to get defensive, yet in the past few weeks I find myself humbling myself more and more; find myself no longer indulging in my self-righteous thoughts but taking a step back to reflect on my behaviour and faults. Although there were times when I felt someone was taking the chance to insult me, I appreciated the brutal honesty all the same.
Yet sometimes I wonder why people can no longer accept an honest reproach. Although I know I come off condescending at times, there are times when I am sincere in what I say and still rejected. What happened to people being honest? Have we as people become too "nice" for our own good? I believe that loving someone means destroying their pride if you have to; that you are willing to hurt them if it helps them improve, just like how God lets us go through the downs in our lives, no matter how much it hurts Him as well to see us upset.
I guess it takes a lot of wisdom and discernment to know when to close an eye and when to speak out and reproach those around us; yet sometimes it seems people can no longer accept brutal honesty and wounds to their ego.
Being Christlike means we do our best and strive to correct ourselves, even if it means sometimes we have to listen to criticism that hurts. Then again, God regards pridefulness as a sin, so I guess dying to that is another thing we all have to do as well.
I believe that when everyone gives their best for the cause of God's kingdom, while we will be persecuted, we will see lives impacted, we will see miracles big and small coming to pass. Of course, that also means that each day we take up our crosses and die to ourselves. But that's what being a disciple of Jesus is about; not just about having abundant blessings in our lives, but to cheerfully abandon those blessings, give it all up for God.
I'm still praying about the "call" to full-time ministry.(I'm putting this in quotations from now as I'm seeking confirmation). While it is a way of serving God with all I have, there are other ways. Yet the powerful stirring in my heart today was just too real to be ignored - to give my best, to give everything up to advance God's kingdom; and to do so cheerfully.
Another video spoke of how through our "deaths" we give life to others - so I can only pray that God prepares me for what He is going to use me to do, and prepare myself for the ride. Any task big or small He entrusts to me, it's my commitment to do it the best of my ability.
Another milestone in my spiritual today - being baptised in the Holy Spirit during WTTTF. A powerful experience, and a few girls cried. I didn't, personally I think the whole "I'm not longer able to cry" thing is getting just a tad too true. It's just awesome to see fellow Christians desiring for God so much.
So I hope that this post will inspire you all - to not avoid pain but embrace it; not to avoid the cross but to bear it. So that we all truly become perfect works of God.
--Xiang An at 10:18 PM
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Kingdom of Heaven
Rewatched Kingdom of Heaven for some reason. These quotes stood out.
Hospitaller: I put no stock in religion. By the word religion I have seen the lunacy of fanatics of every denomination be called the will of God. I have seen too much religion in the eyes of too many murderers. Holiness is in right action, and courage on behalf of those who cannot defend themselves, and goodness. What God desires is here
[points to head]
Hospitaller: and here
[points to heart]
Hospitaller: and what you decide to do every day, you will be a good man - or not.
-----
King Baldwin IV: A King may move a man, a father may claim a son, but remember that even when those who move you be Kings, or men of power, your soul is in your keeping alone. When you stand before God, you cannot say, "But I was told by others to do thus." Or that, "Virtue was not convenient at the time." This will not suffice. Remember that.
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Balian of Ibelin: We defend this city, not to protect these stones, but the people living within these walls.
The first two are pretty self-explanatory, but the third one is really meaningful. We as Christians aren't called to be in church, we're not called to worship in buildings alone. It's about each individual, every last one of us, each member of the body of Christ coming together and supporting each other.
Perhaps it's time to stop referring to the church as a physical building made of bricks, but the community, the body of Christ that lives for Him.
--Xiang An at 9:32 PM
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
wtfreak.
Most Awesome Foam Gun Ever
OH MY SON.
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Can't Let Go - IGNYTE
Verse 1:
God your unfailing love
Holds me by the hand
You never let go of me
No matter how far I've ran
God You knew my name
Before I came to be
And You long for me
Just to stay in Your arms
So I want to sing
Ohh
Chorus:
It's Your love, that I'm holding on to
It's Your face, that I look upon
It's Your strength, that I can lean on
I won't let go of You
In my trials, I will praise You
In my fears, it's You I will run to
I will sing of how You have loved me
Lord I can't let go of You
Verse 2:
Jesus You gave Your life
As ransom for my sins
You willingly paid the price
Of shame and suffering
Now Christ has set me free
I know where I’ll be
Standing in Your courts
Lifting up my hands
Praising with this song
Ohh
-----
I'm so glad I have the Big Guy Upstairs to watch over me and guide me when I don't know what the hell to do in life. =P
This period is a difficult one and it will be a tough fight but I'm praying that God will see me through this period... Things will be tough and the days will be tiring, I can't exhaust my strength, I can't slack off now! Gambatte, Xiang An! And to anyone else that's feeling tired and stressed out too. God is with you, He's watching over you =)
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Sigh, I guess I can't celibate myself from Stephanie. I'll have to touch her and practise for worship during SFC next week. No more than an hour, and no distractions! Especially not to play other songs! Rar.
--Xiang An at 9:00 PM
Monday, September 07, 2009
Xiang An needs endorphine injections
Bleargh, trying to make amends is difficult, trying to repair relationships when the misunderstandings is so great. It's been a greatly humbling experience, talking things out and I'm thankful for the brutal honesty.
I guess in the long run I can only hope God can work in this mess and make it better. I know that some of my choices to dedicate more time and energy to certain areas of my life have had their consequences. I'm just thankful there's still time to make amends, and I believe God has the power to heal all this brokenness.
Perhaps at times people think I'm trying to be holy or something, well, no I'm not. I strive to be, and each day is a journey of discovery and moulding; of getting in know God more and finding out more about my identity in Him. So that one day I can make that claim that God has done His work and tempered me into His perfect masterpiece.
So each day I pray that I may treat each and every thing that comes up with grace and love, maintain my hope in the darkest situations and of course, to keep up my strength for the battles ahead. Cause seriously, promos and WR/INR? God knows I'm almost taking that step off the ledge if anymore work piles up, like the Persian infantry gets pushed off the cliff by the Spartans in 300.
Sadded.
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I'm sorry, Stephanie, but this is a vow of celibacy to never touch you again for the next 4 weeks =(
--Xiang An at 8:09 PM
Sunday, September 06, 2009
Differences of opinion
I'm not going to keep what I originally posted, because it's so much easier to admit it's your fault and change then to convince others they need to change themselves. That convincing is up to God to do and not me.
I'm just thankful God has shown me the way ahead. I'm not going to like it but I'm cheerful about! Sounds a bit weird but yeah, no matter what happens I choose to praise God. Even if some people see it as folly. I guess it bugs me that at times fellow Christians seem to think what I believe is totally crazy.
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Praise Him - IGNYTE
When I think of what He's done for me
When I think of all He's given to me
When I hear of the power of His name
Then I know He's worthy to be praised
Lift up your hands, all you peoples
Lift up your hands to the Risen One
Lift up your hands and sing with all your might
Praise Him
Praise Him for God is with us
Praise Him for all He is today
Praise Him, praise Him
Never be ashamed, praise Him!
There's a stirring in this place
There's a generation bearing Your name
There's an anthem rising hear the sound of praise
There's a need for us to shout out His praise
Lift up your hands, all you peoples
Lift up your hands to the Risen One
Lift up your hands and sing with all your might
Praise Him
Praise Him for God is with us
Praise Him for all He is today
Praise Him, praise Him
Never be ashamed, praise Him!
Lord there's none like who You are
Nothing that compares to You
Lord there's none like who You are
Nothing that compares to You
Lord there's none like who You are
Nothing that compares to You
Lord there's none like who You are
And that's why we praise You
Praise Him for God is with us
Praise Him for all He is today
Praise Him, praise Him
Never be ashamed, praise Him!
--Xiang An at 8:04 PM
Friday, September 04, 2009
4ONE!
4ONE was awesome, a time where we can all gather as ONE united body of Christ to praise and worship, singing 4ONE God.
Pastor Darrick made a call for those whom God has called to full-time ministry. I could hear a small voice agreeing to that call, but I held myself back, wondering if it was God telling me to do so or just some part of me trying to deceive myself.
I was also concerned as I only joined Trinity this year, and full-time ministry is a large step that I, as someone young in the faith, has to seriously consider before I make that decision. On one hand, it seems rushed, I still see myself as having a lot more maturing in faith to do before I feel I'm ready to even try serving as a leader in church.
But full-time? If it is God's calling for me, I'd go for it, but I think there's still a lot of moulding for me to go through before taking that step. I prayed during that call, for God to really give me that confirmation. I told Him I thought I wasn't ready and there was just so much more I had to work on before I was ready to take that step.
"Just trust Me, I will mould you and make you ready for the plans and purpose I have for you." He told me. I guess it's still too early to make the call, but I definitely intend to talk to my leaders about it and ponder it more closely. In the meantime, there's still much room for improvement in my spiritual walk, so that's where I'll start I guess.
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One God.mp3 - IGNYTE Worship Team
One God - IGNYTE
Verse:
Nothing can stop us
from singing out Your praised
You have surpassed
All that we have prayed
Jesus You lead us
Each victory till the end
In every battle
United we will stand
Pre-chorus:
We lay aside all our differences
Our treasures here on earth
So unify us, cos we have
Chorus:
One faith, one hope, one God
One body, one spirit, one Father of all
One declaration for the whole world to see
That through it all, you're our God
[chant]One faith, one hope, one body, one God
So we will worship with one heart
So we will worship with one voice
We will worship for one King
We will worship for one God [repeat]
This song was written by one of our youths from IGNYTE, and inspired from Ephesians 4:4-6 ->
There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when you were called— one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.
I think it basically sums up what all the Christians are called to be, and I hope this will really be the ultimate goal of the Christian body in SAJC, that we all unify in praise and step forward for our faith.
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All I want.mp3 - IGNYTE Worship Team
All I Want - IGNYTE
The world paints shades of grey
but in You I must remain
Walking in the light,
That Your word shines so bright
Pre-chorus:
The choices I make
The road I will take
Lord pave the way
Everday
Chorus:
I wanna shout out loud
"Jesus Christ is Lord"
Live it out with each step that
You're all I want
You're all I'm living for
Live for You
in all I do
For I know Your word is true
You're all I want
Cos all I need is you
I live for You
Verse 2:
On the cross You died,
Now there is freedom there is life
For all that You have done,
The victory has been won
Bridge:
Everyday
In every way
Reveal Your purpose in me
Everyday
In every way
Reveal Your heartbeat
No more compromise, no more wondering how others will view my beliefs. In You I must remain.
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--Xiang An at 11:28 PM
Thursday, September 03, 2009
Singleness, Celibacy
A Season of Celibacy
Part 2
Took this off chee keong's blog.
Heh, guess I only had to be patient for God to point me to the answer to my prayers. Who needs a girl to feel loved? I know God loves me more than anyone else ever could.
This time in my life is the season to mould myself into a true living sacrifice for God. This is the season where I embrace His will and reach out to those around me, and I don't need to be "the guy with the girl" to let God work through me. I don't have to be attached to feel loved, or to love.
God has a plan, and whether it involves me or not it's time for me to start listening to what He's saying to me and serve Him with all my heart, not to be distracted by the unimportant things.
It's kind of funny really, I've been treating the whole situation like a joke, and my emo-ness has mostly gone. I guess right now the best thing to do is just focus on my studies. (So, Xiang An, why are you still blogging?!)
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Okay, one last distraction: OMGOSH ASSASSIN'S CREED 2! THIS SEEMS SO MUCH BETTER THAN ONE IN MANY ASPECTS.
1. Ezio wears a freaking cape. That alone makes him better than Altair.
2. Ezio does not react to taunts (watch video for what I mean)
3. Ezio has a freaking PISTOL along with his hidden blade to assassinate people.
4. He's freaking killing people in VENICE, jumping on and off GONDOLAS.
--Xiang An at 5:53 PM
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
Time Bomb
I've got so many frustrations I want to vent, but I don't want to vent them out on my blog. No point posting about the very people who read your blog and they get the wrong impression of your perspective. Humans agree to disagree.
I need someone to talk to about all this crap, but it seems like everyone is busy with their own commitments and I can't expect them to drop it down just cause I'm feeling stressed and need to talk.
Sometimes I wonder how some people seem to go through life as if frustrations simply bounced off them.
If I don't let off some steam, I might just bring an actual gun to school and kill people. (Kidding.) Why did the school cancel our stress relieving day?
--Xiang An at 8:10 PM
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
Schizo
Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to go it on their own
Everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Where are the people that care?
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=P
I think this song nicely describes the situation I'm in and how I feel right now. The whole she's not going to be mine thing, put some nice energetic and a really cheerful tune behind it all and voila!
--Xiang An at 6:12 PM