Strumming from the Soul

The Notes

Xiang An aka Reaper
20 February 1992
Christian
That's really all there is to know about me

Echoes

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The Music

Thursday, July 12, 2012

I can only see in part



And the pain falls like a curtain
On the things I once called certain
I have to say the words I fear the most "I just don't know."
And the questions without answers
Come paralyse the dancer
So I stand here on the stage afraid to move
Afraid to fall
But fall I must 
On this truth that my life has been formed from the dust 


 God is God and I am not 
I can only see a part 
Of the picture He's painting 
 God is God and I am man 
So I'll never understand it all 
For only God is God 


 And the sky begins to thunder 
And I'm filled with awe and wonder 
Till the only burning question that remains
Is who am I? 


 Can I form a single mountain? 
Take the stars in hand and count them? 
Can I even take a single breath without God giving it to me? 
He is First and Last Before all that has been and all that will pass 
 God is God and I am not 
I can only see a part 
Of the picture He's painting 
 God is God and I am man 
So I'll never understand it all 
For only God is God 


 Oh how great are the riches 
Of His wisdom and knowledge 
How unsearchable 
For to Him and through Him and from Him are all things 
So let us worship before the throne 
Of the One who is worthy of worship alone 


God is God and I am not 
I can only see a part 
Of the picture He's painting 
 God is God and I am man 
So I'll never understand it all 
For only God is God 
Only God is God

Can I still sing these words sincerely, trust that He is sovereign and has a will when it means I might lose someone I hold dear? It makes everything else seem trivial in comparison, and somehow you have to draw strength from the fact that God is with me even if I don't like what He's doing.

Yeah, I'm scared, more than any other moment in my life. I'm terrified because I've barely gotten the hang of NS, of learning to protect my loved ones. I don't think I'm ready, or strong enough to do it and yet the circumstances right now aren't giving me a choice. The decisions I make now will affect my family and loved ones, and I don't know if I'm ready to make such a decision.

 It's funny how everyone assumes they'll go to uni after they finish A levels. What happens when that door shuts in your face? Find a job? Sign on? Try again? Retake my A levels? Grah. So many things to consider, and so many people are watching me to see what I do and pressuring to make the "right" decision, or choose the one they want you to make.

 So I have to say the words I fear the most. I just don't know.

--Xiang An at 9:53 PM